Hotel Jokes

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A honeymoon couple go into a hotel and ask for a suite.
‘Bridal?’ asks the desk clerk.
‘No thanks,’ replies the bride, ‘I’ll just hang onto his shoulders.’

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After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel.
He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite.
Several minutes later, the drunк staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed.
"But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel."
"I insist on another room!!!" said the drunк.
"Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525.
Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk.
"Well, for one thing," said the drunк, "it's on fire."

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A man and his wife check into a cheap hotel. The husband goes down to the bar, but his tired wife goes up to the room to lie down. Suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the window, shakes the room and throws her out of bed. She lies down again, but the same thing happens.
She calls the front desk, and the manager comes up to investigate. The wife says, "Lie here on the bed, you'll be thrown right to the floor."
The manager lies down next to the wife just as her husband walks in.
"What's going on here?" demands the husband.
The manager replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting for a train?"

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A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?" The photon says, "No thanks, I'm traveling light."

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Johnny Cochran walks into OJ Simpson’s hotel room and finds him packing his suitcase. “Where are you planning on going?” asks Cochran. “I’m going to Cancun” replies OJ. “No! No! No!” says Johnny. “I didn’t say that you were going to Cancun! I said…you are going to the can Сооn!”

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Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hotel?
A: Nothing. They both specialize in serving out of town businessmen.
Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a hotel?
A: Nothing. They both specialize in serving out of town businessmen.

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Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness.
The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary."
Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.
"We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest вееr in England".
"That is remarkable value", Michael comments.
"I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please."
O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat.
"Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1."
O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up.
"I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3."
O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage.
"I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!"
"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second".
"I will never use this bar again".
"OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1."

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A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on its final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom,
"This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto."
He forgets to switch off the intercom, and the whole plane can hear his conversation with his co-pilot.
The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big сrар . . . then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge тiтs out for dinner . . . . then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and put it to her big time all night long!"
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the isles, trying to get a look at the new stewardess.
Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she tries to run to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and falls on her face. The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gonna take a shiт first."

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A man was invited to a wedding. When he reached the hotel, he found two doors written on them…
1.Bride relatives
2.groom relatives
He entered the groom door and found two doors again.
1. Ladies
2. Men
He entered men door and found two doors again.
1.People with gifts
2.People without gifts
He entered the second door (people without gifts )… He found himself outside the hotel.

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Man hires a Chinese Private Investigator, Chen Lee, to watch his wife.
A few days later he gets this report : Sir.
I watch house.
You leave house.
He came to house.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she go hotel.
I climb tree and look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He sтriр.
She sтriр.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out tree.
I not see.
No fee.
Chen Lee.
Very Sollee!

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My uncle runs a clinic inside a hotel in Spain
He come out late at night to ring people's doorbells.
Because nobody suspects The Spanish Inn Physician

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What job did the frog have at the hotel?
Bellhop.

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Republicans are proposing a boycott of United Airlines because of their vaccine mandate.
I'm all for it. If republicans want to really hurt us, they should boycott all airlines. And hotels. And restaurants. And grocery stores. And comedy shows. And elections.

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Where does Santa stay on vacation? A hо-hо-hotel.

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What name does Santa use to check-in at hotels on beach vacations? Sandy Claus.

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What do you call a house-elf in a hotel?
A Dobby in a lobby.

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I got to Flagstaff, Arizona, and I asked the guy at the hotel, 'Excuse me, where can I find the black community?
' 'Oh, well he's on vacation this week. We'll tell him you stopped by.'

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What is the smallest hotel in the world?
A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!

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