Jewish Jokes

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An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son:
"Don’t be nervous, boy, just do your best and just remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

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How does Моsеs make his tea?
Hebrews it.
I'm serious that Israeli how he does it.

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What's faster than a cheetah?
A Jew with a coupon!

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the real reason hiтlеr killed himself is because he found out chuck norris was jewish

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Q: What is the difference between a Jew and a boy scout?
A: the boy Scott gets to go home after camp.

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Q: Why do Jewish men get circumcised?
A: Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's 20% off.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.
The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''

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Whats the difference between Harry Potter and a Jew?
Harry made it out of the Chamber

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An Arab and a Jew stand in front of a Нiтlеr statue.
The Jew spits on the statue.
Arab: why did you do that?
Jew: because he killed half my people.
The Arab spits on the statue as well.
Jew: why did you do that?
Arab: because he didn't кill the other half.

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The 3 shortest books ever written are:
Polish Wisdom
Jewish Business Ethics
Black Guys I Met While Yachting

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How do they play Pokemon Go in Gaza Sтriр?
They grab a round rock from the ground and say:
"Pick-a-jew"!

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Why Didn't the Jew Score Another Date with the Asian Girl?
Hebrew it.

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Why did the Jew vote for Obama?
Because he promised change.

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I've never met a full on jew
They were all just sort of jew-ish

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My daughter saw me eating prosciutto
True story: my daughter saw me eating prosciutto and clucked her tongue. "I think eating prosciutto is like, the worst thing a Jew can do."
I am Jewish, so I asked,
"Why is that?"
"Well, it's pork and it's expensive."

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A Jew
Gesundheit

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A Jew is a person who follows Judaism, and pizza is a food...
I bet you expected a Holocaust joke. Jew thought wrong.

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What was so great about being a black jew?
They already thought you were burnt

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