Jewish Jokes

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What's Rabbi Peter's favourite planet within our solar system?
Jew-Peter of course!

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What's the difference between a British and a Jew?
The British leaves and doesn't say goodbye, the jew says goodbye and doesn't leave.

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What is a jew's favorite musical artist?
Post Shalom

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I do not approve of Jew jokes on this subreddit.
Anne Frankly I won't stand for it.

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What type of martial arts did the Rabbi Practice?
Jew-jit-su.

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What do you call someone who celebrates Christmas sometimes and Hanukkah sometimes?
Jew-ish

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What do you call a Jew who didn't go to Synagogue on Yom Kippur?
Fake Jews.

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I saw Trump's Twitter video wishing the Jews a happy holiday
As a Democrat I want to make fun of Trump. As a Jew I want to make fun of myself that Trump's Twitter had to be the one to tell me my people's holiday was today. True story

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A Christian, a Jew, and a Black Guy walk into a bar.
They all sit quietly and watch the Cleveland Browns game.

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What's Israel favorite martial arts style?
Jew-jitsu

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What do a sneeze, a french-dip, and Wооdy Allen have in common?
Ah Jew!

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A 9/11 widow, a black slаvе, a jew who survived Auschwitz and a clairvoyant walk in to the Challenger Spacecraft
"I don't like where this joke is going" says the clairvoyant

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A jew walks into ablack guy bar...
At the same time everyone says "my lawyer is here"

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Came up with this one for my brother's birthday:
What do you call a rетаrdеd Jew during the holocaust?
A baked potato.

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A Frenchman, a German, and A Jew are stranded in the dessert...
The frenchman says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have wine
The german says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have beer
The jew says: I'm tired, I'm thirsty I must have diabetes

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I came up with this joke during lunch break: What do you call a jewish obstacle course?
Shlalom

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A group of Jewish women are eating at a diner.
Their waitress walks by and asks "Is anything alright?"

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A Jewish Black kid walks up to his dad and asks if he is more Black than Jewish.
"Why son?" The dad asks.
"Because there is a kid at school selling his bike for $50 and I was wondering if I should talk him down to $30 or just steal it."

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