Lawyer Jokes

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How do you know when your divorce is getting ugly? A: When your lawyer doesn't seem like a bloodsucking leech anymore. Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a leech? A: A leech will let go and drop off when its victim dies. Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a dalmation? A: A dalmation knows when to stop chasing the ambulance. Q: What do slime molds have more of than lawyers? A: Respect. Q: What does molds, ooze, and lawyers have in common? A: They're all slime. Q: Why did the lawyer cross the road?A: To get to the car accident on the other side. Q: What are some of the requirements in becoming a lawyer? A: You must be able to get muggers, rapists, and pope abusers off the hook, and must have at least one relative who works at IBM. Q: What kind of lure must you use if you want to attract lawyers so as to shoot them?A: You may use any as long as it yells every once in a while "I'm gonna sue!" or "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up!" Q: What would happen if you lock a cannibal in a room full of lawyers? A: He would starve to death. Q: Why don't hyenas eat lawyers?A: Even hyenas have some dignity.
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Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down ¿Por qué entierras a un ladrón 300 metros bajo tierra? - Porque en el fondo es bueno ¿Por qué a los abogados se les entierra seis metros bajo tierra cuando a las demás personas se le entierra a solo tres? Porque muy en el fondo son buenos. Czemu adwokatów chowają cztery metry pod ziemią? - Bo podobno w głębi to oni są dobrzy. Hvorfor begraver man advokater 20 meter under jorden? - Fordi de
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Banjo vergraben Какво е политик ¿Qué es un político enterrado en la arena hasta el cuello? Was hat man Was ist passiert wenn Sie einen Anwalt bis zum Hals im Sand begraben finden? Es war nicht genug Sand vorhanden. Was ist Hvad har man når en advokat er begravet i sand til halsen? - Ikke nok sand. - Vet du vad felet är om du har en advokat som är nedgrävd upp till halsen i sand? - Nä. - För lite sand. O que acontece quando você enterra seis advogados na areia até o pescoço? R: Falta areia. Cosa avete con un avvocato nella melma fino al collo? Troppa poca melma!
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Anwälte В една адвокатска кантора се провежда следният разговор: - Трябва да знаете Sagt ein Mann zum Anwalt: Мъж отива при адвокат за помощ. Walking into a lawyers office Un signore va da un avvocato e gli chiede: "Ma è vero che lei chiede mille euro ogni tre domande? Non le sembra di essere un po' troppo caro?" "Sì" risponde l'avvocato "E qual è la sua terza domanda?" Un homme demande à un avocat : - Quel est le montant de vos honoraires ? - 10 000 euros pour 3 questions Un uomo si reca nello studio di un avvocato e gli chiede quale sia il suo onorario. E l'avvocato: "100.000 lire ogni 3 domande". "Ma non e' un po' caro?". E l'avvocato: "Si' Ruft ein Mann beim Rechtsanwalt an: "Wie teuer sind drei Fragen bei Ihnen?" "Das kostet 500 Euro." "Ist das nicht etwas teuer?" "Nein Pewien mężczyzna zwraca się do adwokata Der Anwalt erklärt: “Ich bin ein Spitzenjurist und meine Zeit ist Gold wert! Daher dürfen Sie mir für die 150 Euro Honorar nur 3 Fragen stellen!” Darauf der Mandant: “Drei Fragen für 150 Euro? Ist... У адвоката запитують: - Скільки ви берете? - 1000 доларів за 3 питання. - Так дорого?! - Так. І яким буде ваш третє питання? Klaus fragt seinen Anwalt: „Was kostet es A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm. He asks an attorney: "If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have Virtasen juuri perustamaan asianajotoimistoon saapui ensimmäinen asiakas. Virtanen ilmoitti U prawnika: - Jaką opłatę muszę wnieść Un hombre va a un abogado. - ¿Y usted cuánto cobra por una consulta rápida? - 300 euros por tres preguntas. - Vaya Mies käveli sisään lakiasiaintoimistoon ja kysyi hintoja. - 300 markkaa ja kolme kysymystä «Du er jo kjent for å være en dyktig advokat Egy ügyfél kérdezi az ügyvédtől: - Mennyi tiszteletdíjat kér jogi tanácsokért? - 20.000 forintba kerül három válasz. - Nem túl drága ez egy kicsit? - De igen. És mi a harmadik kérdése? Přijde muž k právníkovi do kanceláře a ptá se A man phones a lawyer and asks Батко Ѓорѓија отишја куде адвоката и га прашуе: - Извини да те прашам
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