Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
A young couple, married just a couple weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying.
So the husband inquires “What’s wrong Honey?”
“Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast but I can’t cook or clean.”
The husband smiles his biggest smile and says “There, there sweetie! I don’t care that you can’t cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I’ll show you what I’d like for breakfast”.
So off they went to the bedroom.
That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. “What’s wrong now Sweetie?”
“Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can’t cook”
Again the husband smiles and says “Why don’t you come back up to the bedroom and I’ll have my lunch there!”
So off they went to the bedroom again.
That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride sliding down the banister of the stairs nакеd. Up she runs, and WHOOSHdown the banister.
After the third trip the husband asks “What the heck are you doing honey?” to which the new bride replies “Warming up your supper!
A Russian woman married a Canadian gentleman and they lived happily ever after in Toronto . However, the poor lady was not very proficient in English, but did manage to communicate with her husband. The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.
One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, clucked like a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butcher got the message, and gave her the chicken legs.
Next day she needed to get chicken вrеаsтs, again she didn’t know how to say it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her вrеаsтs. The butcher understood again, and gave her some chicken вrеаsтs.
On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…
What were you thinking? Hellooooooo, her husband speaks English.
My wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual Soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The ‘T’ shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!”
My eyes lit up and I thought, “I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!”
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, “Thanks,” and returned to the stove, Her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, “What was that all about?”
She explained, “The egg timer’s broken.”