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Вицове за Семейния живот
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Familienwitze, Familien Witze,...
Chistes familiares, Chistes de...
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Al Bundys abgelaufener Führerschein
Πιστοποιητικό
Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You
Mąż przegląda akt ślubu. Żona pyta: - Czego tam szukasz? - Terminu ważności.
Der Mann starrt auf die Heiratsurkunde, dreht sie mehrfach um und wieder zurück. Darauf die Frau: "Sag mal, suchst du was? Hast du etwa wieder unseren Hochzeitstag vergessen?" Darauf der Mann:...
Vrouw: "Wat ben je aan het doen?" Echtgenoot: "Niets." Vrouw: "Niets...? Je staart al een uur naar ons huwelijkscertificaat. Echtgenoot: "Ik zoek de vervaldatum.
Sotia: - Iubitule ce faci? Sotul: - Nimic! Sotia: - Cum nimic? De-o ora tot studiezi Certificatul nostru de casatorie! Sotul: - Cautam data expirarii !
I got all dewy eyed when I saw my husband looking at our marriage certificate for half an hour.
Then I found out he’s been looking for an expiry date.
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I received an invitation for a wedding.
I answered: Maybe next time. Thanks.
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Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat... Husband: How does it help Wife: I use your toothbrush!
W małżeńskiej sypialni mąż kładzie się do łózka, patrzy na uśmiechniętą żonę i pyta zdziwiony: - Przepraszam Cię, ale jak możesz być taka spokojna po tym, co Ci powiedziałem? - A, bo dla relaksu...
Sotul catre Sotie: - De cate ori ne certam... tu Esti foarte calma... cum reusesti? - Ma duc si spal vasul de toaleta. - Si te Calmeaza asta? - Da,... pentru ca il Spal cu periuta ta de dinti!
Една възрастна двойка разговаря: „Скъпа, толкова съжалявам, че те ядосвам. Как успяваш да останеш толкова спокойна?“ „Когато ме ядосаш, винаги отивам да чистя тоалетната“ „И това помага ли?“...
Żona do męża: - Kiedy się na ciebie złoszczę, nigdy nie odpowiadasz mi tym samym. Jak udaje ci się kontrolować złość? - Czyszczę sedes... - I to ci pomaga? - Używam twojej szczoteczki do zębów...
An elderly couple talk in the evening:
“Honey, I’m so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often. How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”
“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”
“And that helps?”
“Yes, because I’m using your toothbrush.”
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Me as best man: I heard the best man’s speech should last as long as the groom lasts in bed. Thank you very much for your attention. Enjoy the wedding.
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We’ve had some problems and after a while decided to go for marriage counseling. And despite my initial reservations, I must say we got some excellent advice. Like, I should treat my wife as I did when we started dating.
So last week I took her to the cinema. Then I dropped her off at her parents!
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A golden rule of the wife: There isn’t a problem in the world that couldn’t be created.
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Q: Why doesn’t our democratic society permit a man to have 2 wives?
A: Because our laws protect us against cruel and unusual punishment.
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My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of the house.
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I think as marriages go, we’re doing absolutely awesome, I mean I get to sleep with my wife nearly every day!
Nearly on Monday
Nearly on Tuesday
Nearly on Wednesday
Nearly on Thursday
Nearly on Friday
Nearly on Saturday
Nearly on Sunday
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I tried to re-marry my ex-wife. But she figured out I was only after my money.
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I got a call telling me my wife’s been taken to the hospital.
“Oh my Lord, how is she?!” I asked.
“I’m sorry to say she’s critical,” said the nurse.
“What the heck is she complaining about again?!”
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A 60 year old millionaire is getting married and throws a big wedding reception. His friends are quite jealous and in a quiet moment one of them asks him how did he land such a hot 23 year old beauty?
“Simple,” grins the millionaire, “I faked my age."
His friends are really amazed and ask him how much he said.
"Well", he replied. "I said I was 87!"
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“Darling, can I go out in this dress?”
“Yes dear, it’s already dark out.”
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Newlyweds wake up one morning on their honeymoon and the man suggests: "Darling, why don’t you brew us some coffee?"
Wife looks confused: "But that's your task, honey."
“What? Why?”
"It’s all over the Bible, dearest."
The Bible says nothing about who’s supposed to be brewing coffee!"
The wife grabs hold of a copy and starts flipping pages at random: "See? Everywhere: Hebrews, Hebrews, Hebrews."
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American scientists have finally found out what a woman wants.
Unfortunately, she changed her mind since then.
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Мамо, мамо, а зошто…
Wedding Dress
Το νυφικό
Момченце държи снимка на младоженци и разпитва майка си:
Απορίες ενός μικρού κοριτσιού
Защо в деня на сватбата булката е облечена в бяло?
Una bimba assiste per la prima volta a un matrimonio: a un certo punto chiede alla madre:
El niño Bernardino asiste a su primera boda – Al cabo de un rato, le pregunta a su mama: – Mamá, mamá, ¿por qué la novia va vestida de blanco? – Pues… porque este es el día más feliz de su vida. – Ah… y dime, ¿porque el novio va vestido de negro?
Na ślubie Jaś pyta się taty: - Tato, dlaczego ta pani jest ubrana na biało? - Bo jest szczęśliwa, synku. - Tatusiu, a dlaczego ten pan jest ubrany na czarno?
Toto passe devant une église avec sa maman, voyant sortir des jeunes mariés, il demande : - Maman, pourquoi la mariée est-elle en blanc ? - Parce que c
W kościele za chwilę ma się odbyć ślub. Młoda para zbliża się powoli do ołtarza. Wśród zebranych gości jest mała dziewczynka, która pyta mamę: - A dlaczego panna młoda jest tak ślicznie ubrana w...
No meio de uma cerimônia de casamento, Joãozinho pergunta: — Mamãe! Por que toda noiva se veste de branco? — Porque é o dia mais feliz da vida dela! — responde a mãe. — Entendi... E por que o noivo...
Öğretmen derste şunları anlatıyordu: - Düğünlerde gelinler neden beyaz giyer bilir misiniz? Bu onların en mutlu günü olduğu için! Arka sıralardan bir ses yükselir; - Damatların neden siyah elbise...
A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, “Mommy, why does the girl wear white?” His mom replies, “The bride is in white because she’s happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”...
Juhani oli äidin kanssa häissä. Vihkiseremonian jälkeen hän kysyi: Äiti, miksi tädillä on valkea mekko? Koska hän on niin iloinen tänään, äiti vastasi. Juhani mietiskeli hetken ja kysyi sitten:...
A családi fényképalbumban Móricka a szülei esküvői képet nézegeti. - Anyu, miért voltál fehér ruhában? - Azért, mert a fehér az öröm és a boldogság színe. - Akkor már értem, hogy az apu miért van...
Anne küçük kızına anlatıyordu. "Bak kızım, gelinler en mutlu günleri olduğu için nikahta beyaz giyerler." Küçük kız bir an düşündü. "Yaa... Şimdi damatların neden siyah giydiklerini daha iyi...
Estaba una señora con su hijito de cinco años en la boda de su sobrina cuando el niño levanta la cabeza y le pregunta: Mami, mami, ¿Por qué la novia esta vestida toda de blanco? A lo que la mamá le...
- Mamico, de ce poarta miresele rochii albe? - Fiindca exprima bucuria. - Atunci, mirele de ce-i imbracat in negru?
Una bambina alla madre nel giorno di un matrimonio: "Mamma perchè la sposa ha il vestito bianco?" E la mamma: "Perchè questo è un giorno felice e importante!" E la bambina: "E perchè lo sposo è...
Lilla Elsa är på bröllop för första gången i sitt liv och frågar sin mamma varför bruden är klädd i vitt. - Jo, förstår du lilla Elsa, det är för att det är den lyckligaste dagen i hennes liv. Elsa...
- Mamá, ¿por qué las mujeres se visten de blanco en las bodas? - Porque es el día más feliz de su vida. - Ah, ya se porque los hombres se visten de negro.
Un enfant et sa mère passent devant une église. Un mariage s
- Mamo, dlaczego na zdjęciu ślubnym jesteś w białym welonie?- zapytał Jasiu. - Biały kolor to znak radości, synku. - A dlaczego tata jest ubrany na czarno?
- Mor? Hvorfor har bruden en hvit kjole på? Moren: - Fordi hvitt symboliserer lykke, og bryllupsdagen er den lykkeligste dagen i hennes liv. Piken: - Jammen, hvorfor har brudgommen da sort på?
Мамо, ги гледав сликите од вашата свадба со тато и сакам да те прашам зошто носиш бел фустан? Мајката: Зошто белата боја е боја на радоста. Детето: А тогаш зошто тато е во црно?!
1 mère et 1 fils parle: Fils: Maman pourquoi la mariée porte une robe blanche le jour du mariage? Mère: Car c
Toto et ses parents assistent à un mariage. Toto demande à sa maman : - Pourquoi la mariée à une robe blanche ? - Car c’est le jour le plus magnifique de sa vie, répond sa mère. - Alors pourquoi le...
*boy whispers to his mom during a wedding* Boy: "Mommy?" Mom: "What?" Boy: "Why is the girl dressed in white?" Mom: "Because this is the happiest day of her life." Boy: "... so why is the boy...
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained. "And today is...
Mergaičiukė pirmą kartą vestuvėse: - Mama, o kodėl šita…jaunoji… visa baltai apsirengusi? - Todėl, kad šiandien pati džiugiausia diena jos gyvenime. Po pauzės: - Mama, o kodėl jaunasis apsirengęs...
A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and says, “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?”
His mum answers, “The girls is called a bride and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.”
The boy nods and then says, “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
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– It’s our anniversary, dear. How do you suggest we celebrate it?
– With a minute of silence?
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Honey, do you think I gained weight?
No, I think the living room got smaller.
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