Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
Twenty-one-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a test kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, “Who was the pig that
Did this to you? I want to know!”
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with gray hair, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit, steps out of the car and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them, “Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can’t marry her because of my personal family situation, but I’ll provide support.
If a girl is born, I will bequeath her two retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.
If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?”
At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man’s shoulder and tells him,
“Then you try again.”
Q. Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky turned Republican?
A. The Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
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How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
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A Jewish man went into a church and entered the confession booth. The priest welcomed him and asked him what he would like to talk about. The Jew told him, “Last night, I went to a bar and met these two young buxom beauties. I took them into a back alley and let them take turns suскing my shvantz over and over until I was satisfied, before taking them both home to make love all night.”
The priest nodded and replied,”The Lord forgives you for your sins, but may I ask, you are Jewish, why have you come to tell me.”
The Jewish man replied,”Tell you, are you kidding? I’m telling everybody!”
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A guy walks home after buying a соск-suскing frog. He walks into the kitchen, where his wife is doing the dishes, and plonks it on the table.”What the fсuк am I supposed to do with that?” she screams.”Teach it to cook and fсuк off,” he replies.
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What’s the difference between a реnis and a bonus?
Your wife will always вlоw your bonus!
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Whats the difference between a roast beef sandwich and a вlоw job?
You don’t know? soooo…you wanna do lunch tomorrow?
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A mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in. The child asks, “Mother, where do babies come from? ”
“Well dear…a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and have sеx.”
The daughter looks puzzled.
“That means the daddy puts his реnis in the mommy”s vаginа. That”s how you get a baby, honey.”
The daughter replies, “Oh I see, but the other night when I came into you and daddy”s room you had daddy’s реnis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”
“Jewellery, dear.
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