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Вицове за Отношенията мъже-жен...
English
Kampf der Geschlechter, Männer...
Hombres y Mujeres
Анекдоты про Мужа и Жену
Blagues Hommes vs Femmes
Barzellette Uomini e Donne
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Он и Она
Kadın Erkek Fıkraları
Анекдоти про Жінок і Чоловіків
Homens e Mulheres
Mężczyźni i Kobiety
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Mannen en vrouwen moppen, Mop...
Mænd - Kvinder-vittigheder
Han og henne
Miehet ja Naiset
Férfiak és Nők
Bancuri Barbati Si Femei
Vtipy o mužích a ženách, Muži ...
Anekdotai apie vyrus ir moteri...
Vīrieši un Sievietes
Muškarci i Žene
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La chica de la lasaña y el cajero gracioso
Single?
Момиче пазарува в магазина и на касата:
Жена пазарувала в супера. Докато оставяла нещата на лентата един пияница се приближил, огледал подробно покупките и и казал тихо:
Una chica entra en un supermercado y compra lo siguiente:
A woman was paying for some items in a supermarket - a pint of milk, a packet of bacon, a small bag of rice and a few vegetables. The man at the checkout said, "I bet you
Uma mulher passava as compras no caixa de supermercado percebeu que um bêbado examinava detalhadamente seus itens de compra: * 2 caixas de leite integral * 1 dúzia de ovos * 1 litro de suco de laranja * 1 alface americana * 1 kg de café; e * 1 pacote de bacon fatiado. Enquanto o caixa registrava,...
A woman went shopping. She walks to checkout counter and then the salesman packs all her groceries: milk, cheese, orange juice, half of bread, bar of soap, toothpaste... All of a sudden the...
A woman walks into a supermarket and buys: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 single serving of cereal 1 single serving frozen dinner 1 can of Soup For...
En kvinna kommer in i affären och köper lite saker, hon kommer fram till kassan och lägger upp en banan, ett äpple, en tandborste, en schampoflaska, en tvål, en kam, en apelsin, en tandkräm, en...
A girl walks into a supermarket and buys the following: 1 bar of soap 1 toothbrush 1 tube of toothpaste 1 loaf of bread 1 pint of milk 1 apple 1 banana 1 orange 1 plum 1 peach 1 grapefruit 1 tomato...
En pige vader ind i et supermarked, og køber følgende: 1 stykke sæbe 1 tandbørste 1 tube tandpasta 1 lille franskbrød 1 liter mælk 1 æble 1 banan 1 appelsin 1 liter juice 1 glas syltetøj 1 bage...
En pige lægger sine varer op ved kassen: 1 tomat, 1 lille pose kaffe, 1 frossen færdigret, 1 tærte, 1 müslibar og en frossen pizza! Manden ved kassen spørger smilende: – Single, hva? Pigen smiler...
A woman is at a grocery store. She goes to the clerk to purchase her groceries. The clerk looks at her items and sees a carton of eggs, a gallon of milk, and a head of lettuce. He says to the...
Een vrouw ging naar de winkel waar ze de volgende spullen kocht : * 1 liter melk * 1 doos eieren * 1 liter fruitsap * 1 pak koffie * 1 ons ham * 1 doos Cup-a-Soup Terwijl ze haar...
A mid 20's bachelor walks into a grocery store to pick up the necessities (a case of вееr, toilet paper, a tv guide and some frozen dinners).
He goes to the checkout and the young lady cashier looks at him and says, ''Wow, you must be single''. The man smiles and says ''You can tell I'm single just from the stuff that I'm buying?" "No," remarked the lady, "you're fuскing ugly."
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Q: How many flies does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but I don't know how they got in there.
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Little Johnny has to write a story about someone in his family who does something amazing. The next day, he returns and tells the class that his father eats lightbulbs.
"How do you know that?" asks his teacher.
"I heard him say it. He and Mom were in the bedroom and he said, 'I'll only eat that thing if you turn out the light.'"
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With his hand in the сrаск of his madam.
It filled him with mirth
'Cause on this whole earth,
There were only two ваlls and he had 'em.
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Man to wife: "Boy, you are getting old, look at all the wrinkles you are getting!"
Wife: ''They aren't wrinkles, they're laugh lines!''
Man: ''Nothing is that freakin' funny!!'''
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Why do men walk so fast? They've got three legs!
Why do women talk so much? They've got two mouths!
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An old lady approaches a police station and observes three women in hand cuffs waiting to go in.
The old lady asks one of the women, "Why are you in line?"
The woman looks at the other prostitutes, winks and says, "We're waiting in line for a free lollipop."
So the old lady gets in line for her free lollipop. The chief of police comes out to take the girls in and notices the old lady in line. Shocked, he says to the old lady, "'You should be ashamed of yourself!"
"Let me tell you something, sonny," the old lady replies, "as long as they keep making them, I will keep suскing them!"
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Q: What is the diference between like and love?
A: When a person likes you they spit and when a person loves you they swallow.
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Ангел
Kommt ein glücklicher Mann in eine Bar
Aγγελος
Πεθερές
Ο τυχερός σύζυγος
Treffen sich 2 Männer, sagt der eine:
"Meine Frau ist ein Engel! "
Dois amigos estavam sentados no bar tomando uma e conversando:
Συζητούν δύο παντρεμένοι:
- Моята жена е ангел!
Unterhalten sich zwei Freundinnen:,"Mein Mann ist ein Engel!",- "Da hast du aber Glück, meiner lebt noch!"
Zwei alte Freundinnen treffen sich auf der Straße, und beginnen über ihre Ehemänner zu reden: "Mein Mann ist ein richtiger Engel", meint die eine, worauf die andere sagt: "Hast du aber Glück, meiner lebt noch!
- Wiesz moja teściowa jest aniołem. - Tak? A moja niestety jeszcze żyje.
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife
Зустрілись двоє приятелів і зачали обговорювати чесноти й вади своїх жінок. — Моя Аллочка — просто янгол! — каже перший. — Щастить же тобі! А моя краля — ще жива.
- Min fru är en ängel. - Vilken jävla tur du har. Min lever fortfarande.
Deux maris discutent : - Ma belle-mère est un ange ! - T
Un muchacho le dice a otro (orgullosamente): "Mi mujer es un ángel." El otro responde: "Tienes suerte, la mía todavía está viva".
- Min svigermor er en engel! - Heldig asen, min lever endnu...
Rozmawia dwóch kumpli: - Moja żona to anioł... - A moja jeszcze żyje...
- Moja żona jest aniołem. - Ty to masz szczęście. Moja jeszcze ciągle żyje.
Min svärmor är en ängel. – Vad du är lyckligt lottad! Min lever än…
De ene man zegt tegen de andere man: Mijn schoonmoeder is een engel ! Zegt de andere man: " Jij hebt geluk, de mijne leeft nog.
- Anoppini on oikea enkeli. - Ai, minun elää vielä
Két férfi beszélget: - Az én feleségem egy angyal. - Jó neked, az enyém még sajnos él!
Deux copines se rencontrent. L
Dos mujeres charlando: - Mi marido es un ángel. -¡ Qué suerte! - El mío todavía vive.
Pietro dice a Piero: "Mia suocera è un angelo!" E Piero risponde: "Beato te, la mia purtroppo è ancora viva!!".
- Min svigermor er en engel. - Heldiggris. Min lever ennå.
Um homem chega pro outro e diz: — Minha sogra é um anjo. — Sorte a sua porque a minha ainda está viva.
Dois amigos conversam: — Minha mulher é um anjo! — Sorte sua, a minha ainda está viva!
- O! Fąfara jak dobrze, że Cię spotykam! Jak Ci leci? - Ożeniłem się. - A jaką masz babę? - Anioł nie kobieta. - To masz szczęście, bo moja jeszcze żyje.
Ci sono due amici, uno dice all
Пријател на Пријателот: Мојата сопруга е ангел! Другиот: Среќа твоја мојате сеуште е жива?!?!
A man tells his friend, "My wife is an angel."
His friend replies, "Lucky you. Mine's still alive."
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Q: What do you get if you cross LSD with birth control?
A: A trip without the kids!
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Q: Why can't men get mad соw disease?
A: They're all pigs.
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A blonde was telling a brunette that her computer broke.
So the brunette said she would check the blonde's e-mail for her. The blonde said, ''Cool! E-mail me and tell me what I got.''
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Q: Why does it take one million sреrм to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop to ask for directions
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Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: Whistle through his рескеr.
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Η μεταμόσχευση εγκεφάλου
Ein Mensch möchte sich ein neues Gehirn einsetzen lassen.
Det var en gång en svensk som skulle byta hjärna. Då sa doktorn: - Vad vill du ha för hjärna? - Gärna en norsk hjärna. - Varför i all sin dar vill du ha en norsk hjärna? - För den är oanvänd.
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs...
Depois de passar por vários exames, o paciente recebe o diagnóstico da junta médica que o assistia: — O senhor precisa fazer um transplante de cérebro! — Transplante de cérebro? — Sim e já...
Då det var dags att byta hjärnor sade svensken: - Jag vill ha en norsk hjärna. Punkt slut. - Varför detta? - För den är oanvänd.
Det var en gång en svensk, en rysk och en norrman som skulle byta hjärnor. Ryssen sa: - Jag vill ha en norsk hjärna! Då sa svensken: - Varför det? Ryssen: - För att den är helt oanvänd!
Un patient gravement malade est à l
One day a group of husbands and wives went to a scientific program.
The doctor there was showing them brains from real peopleand telling how expensive it would be to buy one. He said it was five million dollars for a female brain and ten million dollars for a male brain. The men snickered, thinking they knew why. One of the women said, ''Well, why is that, sir?'' The doctor answered, "The men's brains cost more, for they have never been used."
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How many men does it take to mop a floor?
None. It's a woman's job.
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There once was a man from Cass.
Whose ваlls were made out of brass.
When they tinkled together,
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his аss.
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Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest.
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