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Yo mama so fат and poor the only thing she could afford to eat was grease.
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Q: Why did two women walk into a saloon pointing bananas at people and shouting:
"GIVE US YER LOOT!"
A: They were both blonds.
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It was very hot, and this guy runs to a nearby store to buy a hand fаn.
There were two similar fans in make and model but one was 25 cents and the other was 50 cents.
The guy opted for the cheaper one thinking that they work the same way.
Before he left the store, the owner tried to impress on the buyer on how each works, but the buyer was not interested - a fаn is a fаn is a fаn, and he knows how to work it.
The 25 cent fаn broke.
He came back yelling and screaming that the fаn was no good.
The owner explained that he should have got the operating instructions:
"With the 50 cent fаn, you move your wrist left and right to get the air flowing. With the 25 cent fаn which works differently, you hold the fаn steady in your wrist and move your head left to right to get the air flowing."
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There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000.
The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!"
The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect."
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says "20".
Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance."
So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2."
The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
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I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
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Why pay $5 at Subway when you can get this footlong for free?
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Един поп отишъл да се подстриже. Като свършил се бръкнал да плати
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, 'you do God's work.' The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, saying, 'you protect the public.' The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, 'you serve the justice system.' The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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There appeared suddenly a crowd of many people in the street, because they caught a thief, who has stolen 500 euros from the grocery.
They wanted to beat him up, but Johny stayed still and told the people:
"who is without guilt, may throw a stone at this thief!"
Nobody wanted to throw a stone at this thief, becuase nobody was without guilt.
Suddenly one stone has hit this thief directly into his forehead and he has fallen down to the ground.
Johny asked:
"who was it? Who was it?"
The Heaven has opened and the oldest archangel has s aid:
"it was me!"
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Der Teufel und der Anwalt
При един адвокат се появил дявола и му предлага сделка:
Der Teufel macht einem Immobilienmakler ein Angebot:
Дяволът отива при един адвокат и предлага сделка:
Ein Spekulant sitzt vor seinem Computer und studiert gerade die neuesten Charts und Börsenkurse
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night
Le diable dit à un agent immobilier : - Je vais faire de toi le plus grand agent immobilier du monde. Tu gagneras tous les ans plus d'argent que Bill Gates et le Sultan de Brunei réunis ! En échange
Ein Anwalt hat mit seiner Kanzlei Anlaufschwierigkeiten
Advokaten hade fått en diagnos av sin läkare. Den var minst sagt negativ
U pewnego pisarza pojawił się diabeł: - Jesteś beztalenciem. Nigdy nie napiszesz niczego
C’est le diable qui dit à un avocat : - Je vais prendre les âmes de ta femme et de tes trois enfants. Elles passeront l’éternité avec moi en Enfer. En échange
Un avvocato è seduto nel suo ufficio una notte quando gli compare il Diavolo che gli dice: "Ho una proposta per te. Tu potrai vincere tutte le tue future cause per il resto della tua vita. I tuoi...
After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm
Wolfgang Schüssel sitzt im Büro. Jemand klopft an die Tür. Es ist der Teufel persönlich. "Erschrecken Sie nicht"
The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said.
"I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hеll for eternity."
The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.
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миллионер разговаривает со своим врачом: - знаете
Милионер разговаря със своя доктор:
The patient shook his doctor's hand in gratitude and said:
"Since we are the best of friends, I would not want to insult you by offering payment. But I would like for you to know that I had mentioned you in my will."
"That is very kind of you," said the doctor emotionally, and then added, "Can I see that prescription I just gave you? I'd like to make a little change."
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на перекрестке сидит представитель конной милиции на красивой белой...
Момиченце
В парка малко момиченце кара колелце-триколка.
Na skrzyżowaniu na światłach stał konny policjant. Za nim zatrzymał się dzieciak
Steht ein kleines Mädchen mit seinem neuen Mountainbike an der Ampel. Da kommt ein Polizist zu Pferd angeritten und fragt: "Na
Een politieagent ziet een jongetje rijden zonder licht op zijn fiets “Zo zo
Un petit gars se promène en bicyclette et croise une police-montée. Le policier arrête le petit bonhomme et lui demande: - Est-ce le Père-Noël qui t'a acheté ta belle bicyclette? Le petit gars...
Fritzchen hat ein neues Fahrrad zu Weihnachten bekommen und steht damit nun an der Ampel. Da kommt ein berittener Polizist vorbei und fragt Fritzchen: „Na
Sarkozy se promène à cheval dans les rues. Cheminant
Poliisi oli hevosensa selässä odottamassa ylittääkseen kadun
Un Carabiniere che va in giro a cavallo vede una bimba giocare con la bicicletta. La ferma e le fa: - Ciao piccola! Lo sai che hai proprio una bella bicicletta?La bambina timidamente: - Grazie!-...
Ein kleines Mädchen fährt mit ihrem Fahrrad durch die Stadt und trifft einen berittenen Polizisten. Dieser fragt das Mädchen: Hat dir der Weihnachtsmann das Fahrrad geschenkt? Sie: Ja. Er: Dann sag...
C'est un petit garçon qui sort du dépanneur et embarque sur son vélo. Une police à cheval arrive et lui dit: - Oh! Y'é donc ben beau ton vélo! - Merci! répond le petit garçon. - C'est-tu le père...
En politibetjent kom ridende da han så en dreng på en cykel
E’ una bella mattina di primavera e un ragazzino va al parco con la nuova bicicletta ricevuta in regalo per Natale. Incontra un poliziotto a cavallo. Questo lo ferma e gli dice: “La tua bicicletta...
På juldagsmorgonen sitter en ridande polis på sin häst vid ett trafikljus och bredvid honom står lille Pelle med sin splitternya cykel. Polisen: - Fin cykel du har. Fick du den av jultomten igår?...
Un policier à cheval dit à un enfant : - Joli vélo que tu as là! C'est le Père Noël qui te l'a amené ? L'enfant répond : - Ouais Le flic dit alors : - Ben l'année prochaine
Le flic dit à la jeune fille: - « Belle moto que tu as là chérie. Le Père Noël te l’a-t-il apporté? » «Oui
Un poliziotto a cavallo sta aspettando il verde per attraversare la strada
Berlusconi ha un cavallo e va a farci una passeggiata
In Noaptea de Craciun
Policajt na koni čeká před semaforem a vedle něj stojí dítě na kole. Povídá mu: „Pěkné kolo
Raitas policininkas stovi prie kelio ir laukia
Stovi sankryžoje policininkas ant arklio. Prie jo privažiuoja vaikas ant Naujo blizgančio dviračio. Policininkas sako tam berniukui: - Gražus dviratis. Gavai jį nuo Kalėdų senelio? - Taaaaaip.. -...
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"
"Yes," replies the little girl.
"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"
The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"
"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the diск goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
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A Jewish boy asked his father "Father, can you lend me 50 dollars?"
The father replied, "40 dollars, What do you need 30 dollars for?"
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Yo mama is so poor that your TV got 2 channels: ON and OFF.
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Insurance companies are trying to set new guidelines before approving Viаgrа coverage.
What will they use to set those guidelines?
A growth chart.
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A man has visited a fortune teller because he wanted to know his future.
The fortune teller has taken a look at him from his head to his toes and has said:
"you will be not rich because you have a very small аss and with such an аss it is not possible to sit on two seats."
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Thank you for your email.
Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
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Въпрос:
Pourquoi les juifs ont-ils de grands nez ?
Varför har judar så stora näsor? – Eftersom luft är gratis.
Чому у євреїв ніс великий? Та тому що повітря безкоштовне.
Store næser Hvorfor har jøder så store næser? – Fordi luft er gratis
- Dlaczego Żydzi mają takie duże nosy? - Bo powietrze jest za darmo...
De ce au evreii nasul mare? Pentru că aerul e pe gratis.
Proč mají židi velký nosy? Vzduch je zdarma.
Why do Jews have so big noses?
Because the air is free.
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Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?
Yes! I've always known you were a bit nutty!
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