Newest jokes - Page 2376

Any plans to float a common currency are eurozoneous.

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One-Liner Jokes

A very small boy was trying to lead a big St. Bernard up the road.
"Where are you taking that dog, little man?" asked a man watching the struggle.
"I"m going to see where he wants to go," was the breathless reply.

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One-Liner Jokes

The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

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One-Liner Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Everyday, Chuck Norris goes for a short walk, just to keep the planet spinning.

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One-Liner Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Justin Timberlake's concerts feature everything but the kitsch ‘N Sync.

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One-Liner Jokes

So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”
She said,
"Ammonia cleaner."
I said,
"Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

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One-Liner Jokes

I recovered my stolen car using the serial number and I feel VINdicated.

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One-Liner Jokes

Whenever I shred fruit, I do so with grate a plum.

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One-Liner Jokes

When Arnold says "I'll be back" in the Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

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One-Liner Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes

Mother: Now, Little Johnny, eat your spinach. It’s good for growing children.
Little Johnny: Who wants to grow children?

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One-Liner Jokes

This co-worker of mine, who I dont know well at all, comes up to me and goes, Hey Jessi, I dont know if anyones ever told you this before, but you look a lot like Anne Frank. I didnt really know where to put that as a remark. But the worst thing is that my first thought was, Was Anne Frank hot?

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One-Liner Jokes

Patient: Doctor, I have a tendency to gain weight in certain places. What would you recommend?
Doctor: Stay out of those places!

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

This guy was sitting in his attorney's office. His lawyer says:
"Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?"
"Give me the bad news first," he says."Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars," his lawyer informs him."That's the bad news?" asks the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary."

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Lawyer Jokes Secretary Jokes

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? So her male would get delivered to the right box. Submitted by Calamjo Edited by Tanyilazing

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

What do you get if you put 100 lawyers in your basement?
A whine cellar.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Your honor.
What do you call a judge gone bad?
Senator.
Have you heard about the lawyersÃ¢Â€Â™ word processor?
No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
When lawyers die, why don't vultures them?
Even a vulture has taste.
What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 10?
A lawyer.
What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?
Your honor.

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Lawyer Jokes

A blonde guy was sitting in a bar when he spots a very pretty young woman. He advances towards her when the bartender says to him, "Don't waste your time on that one. She's a lеsвiаn." The blonde goes over to her anyway and says,
"So which part of Lesbia are you from?"

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe, no-nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair, unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question".

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.
We are born nакеd, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be sтuрid enough to try and pass them.
Laughing stock - cattle with a sense of humor.
You can't have everything, where would you put it?
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor replies:
"It's very simple. You're two tents."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes One-Liner Jokes

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