Newest jokes - Page 654

Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus?
GarageBend.

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Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Computer Jokes Internet Jokes

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife’s beside.
It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, asher voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Bill darling," she breathed. "I’ve got a confession to make before I go... I... I’m the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I’m afraid I also was theone who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That’s all right dearest; don’t even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I’m the one who poisoned you."

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Friendship Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

I had a dоdgy dwarf do a bit of casual building work for me.
He asked to be paid under the table.

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Office and Work Jokes Disability Jokes

"I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle" he moped.

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Communication Jokes

There is a white boy, a Mexican boy, and a black boy who are all in the fifth grade. Who has the biggest d*ck? The black boy, because he's 18.

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Boycott Jokes

You can have too much of a good thing: birthdays.

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Birthday Jokes

There was once a man from Hong Kong
Who thought Limericks were too long.

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Men jokes Funny Poems Limerick Jokes

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper.
'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'

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Money jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.

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Jokes about Women Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Beauty Jokes

What do triplets need more than single babies? More Wомв!

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Single People Jokes Baby Jokes

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sеx with a sheep.
Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg маsтurватing furiously at the bar. “For fuск’s sake!” the bloke cried, “what the hеll’s going on here? I’ve been here one hour and I’ve seen a bloke shаgging a sheep, and now some bloke’s wanking himself off in the bar!”
“Fair dinkum, mate,” the bartender told him, “you can’t expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep”

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Men jokes Sex Jokes Masturbation jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Australia Jokes

I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely ваnging my snooze button in the morning.

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One-Liner Jokes Attitude Jokes

An elderly lady was well-known for her faith and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her front porch and shout "PRAISE THE LORD!"
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady, and she prayed for GOD to send her some assistance. She stood on her porch and shouted "PRAISE THE LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!"
The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of groceries and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD."
The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said, "PRAISE THE LORD. He not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil pay for them. Praise the Lord!"

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Religion jokes God Jokes Food Jokes Atheist Jokes American Presidents Humor

In South Africa a niggеr was walking with a parrot on his shoulder and on his way he meets with a white guy.
He is so cute!
Does he speak?
Asks the white guy.
I don’t know I just bought him!
Says the parrot.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Africa Jokes Black People Jokes Parrot jokes

Yo mama is so old that when she farts, dust comes out!

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Food Jokes Old People Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Fart Jokes

I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

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Flirt jokes

How many surrealists does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

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Light bulb jokes

"If we don't change the direction we're going, we're likely to end up at the wrong end."
"People who go out of their way to help others have great taste."
"An eye for an eye leaves everybody blind, but not hungry."
"Don't give up though the pace seems slow, you may succeed at another morgue."
"A journey of a hundred trillion cells begins with a single nibble."
"The only difference between a big shot and a little shot is that the big shot takes longer to chew."
"It's all right to have little butterflies in your stomach. In fact, I'd say a trip to the elementary school play is a wonderful idea."
"You don't know what your appetite can get away with until you try. Or are tried."
"If you carry your childhood with you, you should probably go the bathroom soon."
"Never keep up with Joneses. Have them over for dinner."
"Let your hook always be cast. In the pool where you least expect it, will be a very startled swimmer."

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Gross Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Food Jokes Single People Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

A guy to a friend: “After three sets golf clubs and ten years of lessons, I am finally getting some fun out of golf. I quit.”

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Friendship Jokes Golf jokes

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