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Вицове за Пенсионери, баби, дя... English Rentnerwitze - Pensionistenwit... Chistes de ancianos, Chistes d... Анекдоты про пенсионеров, пенс... Blagues sur les personnes âgée... Barzellette Anziani, Anzianità Αστεία με ηλικιωμένους Пензионери Yaşlılar hakkında fıkralar Жарти про літніх людей Piadas de Velhos, Piadas de Id... Dowcipy i kawały: Emeryci i st... Roliga Historier om Gamlingar Moppen over Ouderen, Bejaarden... Vittigheder om ældre mennesker Vitser om alder Vitsit vanhuksista Viccek idősekről Glume despre bătrâni Anekdoty a vtipy o důchodcích ... Anekdotai apie senjorus Anekdotes par vecumu Vicevi o starijima
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Old People Jokes

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Three sisters, aged 81, 83 and 85, live together. One night the 85 year old draws a bath for herself. As she sticks her foot in, she pauses. She yells to her sisters downstairs, “Was I getting in or out of the bath?”
The 83 year old shouts back loudly, “I don’t know. Let me come up there and see.” She begins walking up the stairs, panting as she wished she had one of those stair lifts she had read so much about, but then pauses . She yells to her sisters “Was I going up the stairs or down?”
The 81 year old is sitting in the living room, enjoying some tea. She listens to her sisters, shakes her head and mutters to herself, “I sure hope I never get that forgetful. Knock on wood.” She then turns and shouts, “I’ll come up there and help both of you as soon as I see who’s knocking at the door.”
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I grew a beard thinking it would say "Distinguished Gentleman." Instead, turns out it says,
"Senior Discount, Please!"
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As a senior citizen on a fixed income I realize that the days of cheap cell phones are over...
Now, if I fall and hear a сrаск, I am hoping it's my leg and not my cell phone.
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Now that I’m older I've realized the value of learning something new each day. I just wish I could remember it!
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Six packets of mothballs, please,” said an old lady to the chemist.
“But I sold you six packets yesterday.”
“I know, but my aim’s not very good and I keep missing them.”
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I thought growing old GROWING OLD would take longer!
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Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse.
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I put my nan in a home this weekend, and she looked really confused by the whole occasion.
Mind you, so did the bloke whose house it was.
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Two old age pensioners are having a 69.
After five minutes he says, “Sorry, love, the smell’s too bad down there - I can’t carry on.”
“That’ll be my arthritis,” she says.
“What? I never heard of anyone having arthritis in their fаnny before.”
“No,” she says. “It’s in my arms and hands… I can’t wipe me аrsе.”
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If you send a birthday card to your grandkids, don’t write in cursive...
... Or you’ll get a text asking you to decode it.
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A girl walks into a supermarket and asks the clerk,” Can I have a turkey for my grandma?" the clerk responds,” Sorry. We don't do exchanges."
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Grandpa was driving with his 9-year-old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said,
"I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?" She said,
"Because you didn't say "idiот!" afterwards.
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You know you're a senior citizen when every time you leave your house; you have to go back because of something you forget.
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Mable your granny made the most perfect pie crust. Every line along the crust was equal and just perfect. How did she ever do it?
Well Alice, all I know for sure is when she made the final touches around the edge of her pie crust she took her teeth out to make the edge even.
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When I was young I did sтuрid things because I didn't know any better. Now I know better and do sтuрid things because I miss being young.
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Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger, but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.
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My teenage angst has lasted 30 years.
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Everyone my age is older than me...
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