One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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1. You know you're over the hill when you are arranging your hair instead of combing it.
2. You know you're over the hill when your idea of a good workout is standing up.
3. You know you're over the hill when you start picking your teeth out of the popcorn.

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“If you got guts.” Sell your car and become a pedestrian.

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You can tell a woman's mood by her hands...
If she is holding a weapon of any sort, she is not happy!

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Why is a psychiatrist like a squirrel?
Because they are both surrounded by nuts.

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What game do 18 dogs like to play during the summer?
Woofleball

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What is the best time to go to bed?
When the bed won’t come to you.

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It's so cold outside, I actually saw a gangster pull his pants up.

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For Christmas last year I got a sweater... This year I'd prefer a moaner or a squirter.

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This lady in the shopping centre is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.

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Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation?
To Palm Beach.

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Instead of a selfie, you should take a someone elsie.

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Q. What happened after the two bullets got married?
A. They had a little BB!

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Is there such a thing as a rhetorical answer?

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Yawning is your bodies way of saying 20% battery remaining.

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I'm trying to have makeup sеx but the god dамn lipstick keeps breaking off inside me.

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The cheapest way to have your family tree traced is to run for a public office.

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Kickass this if you like titties

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I have no problem giving credit when credit is due.
It’s giving payment when payment is due that I seem to struggle with.

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