One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry...
He had selfie steam issues.

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Laptops may lead to impotence. Yay. Im buying my daughters boyfriend an Apple MacBook first thing tomorrow morning.

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Chuck Norris invented KFC's famous secret recipe, with 11 herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the 12th ingredient: Fear

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A duck's quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah... thank you.

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What happened when Lee ate raw onions for a week?
He became Lone Lee...

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A man pulls up to the curb and asks the policeman, "Can I park here?"
"No," says the cop.
"What about all these other cars?"
"They didn't ask!"

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Victim (after burglary): They stole everything from my house but the soap and towels.
Policeman: Why, those dirтy crooks!

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"I heard JC Penney was opening even earlier for Black Friday this year!"
"Really, when?"
"Halloween."

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"During the trial, a lawyer objected to the audiologist's testimony, calling it hearsay."

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Q: What do blondes and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: Take away the вrеаsтs and the legs, and all you have left is a dirтy box.

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Why don't blondes eat bananas?
They can't find the zipper.

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And Моsеs looked upon the Lord and said:
"We are your chosen people and you want us to cut the tips off of our WHAT?"

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An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says," ' Bout what?" Submitted by Curtis Edited by Calamjo

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Waiter: I just wanted to let you know kids eat free.
Dad: Good, I'll have water and my daughter will have the steak and a kid's light вееr.

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The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.

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Patient: Doctor, I have a little man in my head, and he's cursing all the time!
Doctor: Well, this problem is really easy to fix! It will cost you $1000.
Patient: Doctor, do you know what the little guy just said?

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The worst thing about Halloween is, of course, candy corn. Candy corn is the only candy in the history of America thats never been advertised. And theres a reason -- all of the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

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