One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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A man visits his doctor and complains that he feels like he has 5 legs.
The doctor asks him how do his pants fit?
The man replies, "Like a glove!"

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Q: How did the blonde put out her cigarette?
A: She threw it in the water and stepped on it.

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In the words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face.

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Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

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Q: Why did three blondes jump off a building?
A: They wanted to see if their маxi-pads really had wings.

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How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."

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Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

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A father, son and grandson went to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reached the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approached them.

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A blonde holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the storeÂ’s baby scale.

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She entered the office of a noted divorce lawyer. 'I want to know if I have grounds for divorce? 'she asked.
'Are you married?' asked the lawyer.
'Yes, I am.'
'Then, 'he replied, 'you have grounds.'

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What's fifteen inches long and hangs in front of an аsshоlе? A lawyer's necktie.

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Doctor:
“The results of your bold test have come in.”
“You mean blood test?”
“Hm, must be a Type-O.”

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The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"

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My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.

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Do you know how cold the weather was today? It was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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What's the difference between Big Ben and Tic Tok?
One tells time, the other wastes time.

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Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me,...
So from now I'm going to concentrate on getting taller!

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When a small village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.
Randall, an older man, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said. "We can use it for all them false alarms!"

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