One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there; then the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

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Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

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Q: Why did three blondes jump off a building?
A: They wanted to see if their маxi-pads really had wings.

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Boss (to the new employee): We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

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She entered the office of a noted divorce lawyer. 'I want to know if I have grounds for divorce? 'she asked.
'Are you married?' asked the lawyer.
'Yes, I am.'
'Then, 'he replied, 'you have grounds.'

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What's fifteen inches long and hangs in front of an аsshоlе? A lawyer's necktie.

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Doctor:
“The results of your bold test have come in.”
“You mean blood test?”
“Hm, must be a Type-O.”

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I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any kids...
When I got home, they were still there.

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The lifeguard told the mother to make her young son stop urinating in the pool.
"Everyone knows," the mother lectured him, "that from time to time, young children will urinate in a pool."
"Oh really?" said the lifeguard, "from the diving board?!"

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My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.

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Do you know how cold the weather was today? It was so cold, I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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What's the difference between Big Ben and Tic Tok?
One tells time, the other wastes time.

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When a small village decided to buy a new fire truck, the town council met to decide what to do with the old one.
Randall, an older man, stood up. "Ah think we should keep the old truck," he said. "We can use it for all them false alarms!"

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A blonde bought an a.
m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

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Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case.
"Look," said one to the other, "let's be honest with each other."
"Okay, you first," replied the other.That was the end of the discussion.

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Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

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"When the doctor said I had a problem with my patella I had a knee jеrк reaction."

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Im single. I often think about my future wife and how lax shes been about getting in touch with me.

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