One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Blonde Bob was asked, "How many seconds there are in a year?"
He answered, "It's gotta be 12 seconds in a year - January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..."

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I never wear a Halloween costume... I'm a character all year long!

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I love Monday only during holidays!

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Just after the maid had been fired. She took five bucks from her purse, she threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered,
"I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!

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"I'm sorry doctor, I know this is unusual but I seem to have a lettuce stuck in my bottom!"
"Good grief" the doctor replies "I'd better take a look"
"It's worse than that" the doctor says after the examination - "thats just the tip of the iceberg"

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There were 79 unprovoked shark attacks last year. Unprovoked -- do we need that word in there? Are there people provoking shark attacks? Is there some diск from Jersey in the water: Hey shark, you freakin lookin at me? You got a problem or somethin? I got somethin for you to bite right here!

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Moe: "Where did Larry go?"
Curly: "He’s round in front."
Moe: "I know what he looks like, I just wanted to know where he went."

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A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.G.I.F. T-shirt.
'Why are you wearing a Thank God It's Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh сrар!' the blonde says. 'I didn't Realize it was a religious T-shirt. I thought it meant Тiтs Go In Front'

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IT'S FINALLY FRIDAY!

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Monday Lisa

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One thing is certain. On the US elections will win blonde.

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My GPS just told me to turn around...
Now I can’t see where I’m driving.

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On Halloween we will not pun. Instead we make candied observations.

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What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you? pull out the pin and throw it back
What do you do when a blode throws a pin at you? run like hеll shes got a grenade in her mouth!!

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"You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background," sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand.
"If I wasn't under oath, I'd return the compliment," replied the witness.

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A man visits his doctor and complains that he feels like he has 5 legs.
The doctor asks him how do his pants fit?
The man replies, "Like a glove!"

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Q: How did the blonde put out her cigarette?
A: She threw it in the water and stepped on it.

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In the words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, Chuck Norris". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face.

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