One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance, she leaned over and pushed me.

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I don't own a big house, but at least I have my legs, ie two man shins.

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I could never have a тhrееsоме. This is not a тhrееsоме body. This is a turn off the lights body, leave your shirt on body -- this is a tell nobody.

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One day, a blonde drove by a cornfield and saw another blonde out in the field trying to row a boat. "Geez, I hate blondes like that," said the blonde as she drove by. "If I could swim I'd go out there and kick her вuтт!"

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Have you heard about the new blonde paint? Its cheap, thick, and spreads real easy...

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Judge: Are you defending yourself?
Defendant: Yes, your Honor.
Judge: You know that if you cannot afford it, the State may appoint you a lawyer.
Defendant: I know, your Honor, but I don't want one. I plan to tell the truth.

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Chuck Norris drew the line and made Johnny Cash walk it.

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Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

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I bought a plunger the other day. You ever bought a plunger? Its an embarrassing purchase. At first, you think its no big deal. Stand in the line, swinging it. And then you realize everybody knows; you got a situation at home. Nobody buys a plunger on a whim.

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Who Let The Blondes Out?
How many blondes does it take to milk a соw?
Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the соw up and down.

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Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it's Halloween.

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In the days leading up to Christmas, people in San Francisco did everything they could to avoid the mauls, as they were a real zoo. The only people who weren't worried were lawyers with an escape claws.

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An old lady at the bank asked me if I could help her check her balance.
So I pushed her over.

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Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.

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Where do you look for blondes' obituaries? Under "Home Improvements."

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I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary!
I said, “Mark, my words!”

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I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk, I have this weird axe scent.

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