One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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What did the blonde do when he heard that 90% of accidents occur within five miles of home? He moved ten miles away.

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What do you get when you cross an impressionist painter with a New York City cab driver? A: You get Vincent Van Go Fuск Yourself.

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“Brewery workers demand for concessional вееr for their consumption, was considered on a case by case basis, and a ration-ale decision was reached by the management.”

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A customer walked into a bar and said, “I’ll have a pint of less, please.”
“Less?” queried the bartender. “What’s that?”
“I don’t know either,” said the customer, “but my doctor told me to drink less.”

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The guy who sipped his beers was into malt licker.

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What does a blonde do when she wakes up? Go home!

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“The doctor told the patient to use a Q-tip. It went in one ear and out the other.”

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Did you hear about the new household cleaner just put on the market? It's called "Bachelor."Why?Because it works fast, and leaves no ring.

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When you die, which part of your body is LAST to die?
Your eyes... they dilate!

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In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

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How did the blonde break her arm? A: she fell out of a tree while she was raking leaves.

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What do Blondes say after sеx? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?

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An aging comedian is a guest on a late night talk show.
"What do you have coming up?" the interviewer asks him.
"Mostly phlegm."

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Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go.
The first little old lady had a sтrоке, the second little old lady also had a sтrоке, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.

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Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A: They always leave to go answer the door.

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Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes five sessions.

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Q: What happens when you give Viаgrа to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!

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A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

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