One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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An aging comedian is a guest on a late night talk show.
"What do you have coming up?" the interviewer asks him.
"Mostly phlegm."

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Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go.
The first little old lady had a sтrоке, the second little old lady also had a sтrоке, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.

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Q: Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes?
A: They always leave to go answer the door.

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Q: What happens when you give Viаgrа to lawyers?
A: They grow taller!

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A blonde and a brunette are skydiving.
The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"

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Halloween not only stays fun, but gets funner -- if thats a word. Like, Halloween when youre a kid, you dress up in a costume: free candy. You grow up, dress up in a costume: drunк as ваlls. Its awesome

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Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant.
The steak did what it was told.

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Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

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I have found some ways to use feminism to my own advantage -- mostly to remain lazy and disgusting.

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So they ask me, Would you like to answer your secret security password question? I think, Oh yeah, surely I can answer a question posed by slightly younger me.

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I do not understand why people write letters to magazines. It accomplishes nothing; its pointless. [If] you want to see your name in print that bad, write on a piece of paper and look at it: Ah, there it is. Just as I always dreamed.

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When Arnold says "I'll be back" in the Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

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On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

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I made the mistake of moving in with a hippie. Hippie roommate -- horrible mistake. Apparently, when they say peace and love, what they really mean is filthy and annoying.

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A Lawyer was addressing a doctor in court.
Lawyer: Dr. Kirby, did you say the victim was stabbed in the jungle?
Doctor Kirby: No, I said he was stabbed in the lumbar region.

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I didn't want to walk in the woods. But I was forest.

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What's the difference between Viаgrа and Al Gore..... Viаgrа really works !

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One time at this party I walked up to a stunning golden-haired woman and said,
"You know, gentlemen prefer blondes." She smiled a coy smile and answered, "You know, I'm not really a blonde." I smiled, "Good. I'm not really a gentleman."

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