Political Joke

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A Politician rang up the "self help" line and said "I'm fed up with my life and am going to кill myself"
The operator said "where are you". The politician said "I am on the train track under the bridge"
The operator said "please stay on the line"????

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Barrack Obama won the election on a platform of “change”.
I say “what change?”, what’s so new about a black guy who can’t pay his bills and has massive debt problems?

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Don’t tell me I don’t know what it’s like to get rареd ladies…..
I pay taxes too.

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America's First Law of Motion:
An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object tends to stay at rest, unless an external force acts upon the object.
Meaning
America tends to go its way unless acted upon by Osama.
America's Second Law of Motion:
The acceleration of a body is proportional to the force applied on it.
Meaning
The number of sleeping pills an American takes is directly proportional to the number of video tapes Osama releases.
America's Third Law of Motion:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Meaning
For every death of an American, there is a death of an afghan.

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Got a letter today through the post that was addressed to ‘The Occupier’ which was strange because there are no Israelis living here.

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I was gonna make a joke about 9/11 but it’s just plane wrong.

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It’s Kim Jong Un I feel sorry for.
He must have thought that his position as the world’s biggest demagogue with weird hair in charge of a nation was unassailable.

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Two convicts were sitting on their cot in a jail cell. One says to the other, "I hear you’re getting out in a few days. Tell me something are you going straight, or are you going back into politics?"

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Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

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When interviewers asked USA presidential candidate Gary (“Aleppo”) Johnson to find Syria on a map, he showed them a piece of sandpaper.

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Mexico’s president has cancelled his trip to America to visit Trump.
The wall isn’t even built yet and it’s already keeping one out.

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Trump has announced that he has all the necessary materials to build the wall along the Mexican border.
When he won the election 60 million Democrats shiт a brick

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I love the game, "Survivor". They start out with 20 contestants who are systematically knocked out of the game until there are only three left. The winner is the one who lies and backstabs the most people. You know, like politics.

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Twenty-six years after the Chernobyl disaster, and am I the only one that’s disappointed? Still no superheroes.

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How come when a white person runs someone over it’s called a ‘traffic incident’ but when a Muslim does it they call it a ‘terrorist incident’?

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At a seminar on American Social Justice, a Civil Rights leader opined, "Anti-Americans are killing the better Americans - the likes of Osama-bin-Laden, Bernie Madoff, John Gotti, to name a few - surprising and confusing most Americans."
He further pointed out, "More surprising is the fact that Mob Wives are popular celebrities today."

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Feel sorry for Americans having to choose between those two.
I’ve not trusted a Clinton since they charged me £7.50 for a birthday card, and I’ve not trusted a Trump since that curry last weekend!

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So, Donald Trump has chosen Mickey Pence as his vice-president….
…. Not even Walt Disney could’ve imagined that one day Mickey and Donald would be running America!!

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