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The world is a funny place. We used to have Empires run by Emperors, then Kingdoms run by Kings, now we have Countries…

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Why is a North Korean joke the best type of joke? ….
….
Because everyone gets it.

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If George Washington was the father of our country, does that make his father the grandfather of our country?

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George Washington was such a great president.
He never blamed any of the country's problems on the previous administration.

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Who is the opposite of a Supreme Court Justice?
Antonym Scalia

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How do you get a Democrat to pay taxes?
Give them "Change" and "Hope"

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A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation and found that the curtains were drawn around him.
"Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"
A nurse replied, "No, it's just that there's a fire at the empty warehouse across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

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The Prime Minister has recently announced a new initiative to boost our economy. Apparently the Ethiopians are going to be organizing a rock concert for us.

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Trump Today:
Missile #1:
“You’re fired!”
Missile #2:
“You’re fired!”
Missile #3:
“You’re fired!”
And so on 56 more times.

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Donald Trump will kick Her Ruмр!

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I have diet Coke and Mentos in my house…In other words, my Nuclear Weapons Program is ten years ahead of North Korea.

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If good things come to those who wait then is being put into prison really a punishment?

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Now that we are into renaming things like Mount Diablo, President Obama wants to rename the San Andreas Fault. His suggestion, Bush's Fault.

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Two philosophers were sitting at a restaurant, discussing whether or not there was a difference between misfortune and disaster.
“There is most certainly a difference,” said one. “If the cook suddenly died and we couldn’t have our dinner that would be a misfortune __ but certainly not a disaster. On the other hand, if a cruise ship carrying the Congress was to sink in the middle of the ocean, that would be a disaster __ but by no stretch of the imagination would it be a misfortune

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The Greek government has just reported that production of humus and taramasalata is down 50% since the start of the month. Looks like it’s going to be a double dip recession.

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Three prominent politicians in boarded the same flight to from New York to England.
The first Politician started, “I can throw one $1000 note down and make one person laugh.”
“I can make two persons laugh with just two $500 notes.” the second politician replied.
The third politician retorted, “With just five pieces of $200 I can make five people laugh.”
The pilot then looked at the politicians and added, “I’m the pilot here, meaning I can throw all of you down and make more than 150 million people laugh.”

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Why do politicians make the best patients in surgery?
They have no guts, no heart, no spine, and the head and аss are interchangeable.

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Government has announced new plans to help first-time buyers which is great. They have as much right as anyone to have a house repossessed.

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