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The Greek government has just reported that production of humus and taramasalata is down 50% since the start of the month. Looks like it’s going to be a double dip recession.

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Three prominent politicians in boarded the same flight to from New York to England.
The first Politician started, “I can throw one $1000 note down and make one person laugh.”
“I can make two persons laugh with just two $500 notes.” the second politician replied.
The third politician retorted, “With just five pieces of $200 I can make five people laugh.”
The pilot then looked at the politicians and added, “I’m the pilot here, meaning I can throw all of you down and make more than 150 million people laugh.”

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Why do politicians make the best patients in surgery?
They have no guts, no heart, no spine, and the head and аss are interchangeable.

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Q. What is a conservative?
A. A conservative is an X-liberal that got mugged.

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A Muslim walks into a bar.
Lots of people get killed.

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The following conversation took place between Hillary Clinton and Sатаn.
Hillary: I thought you said I was gonna win the election!!
Satan: I thought you said you had a soul.

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Fed up of airport security. Just got stopped for carrying a bottle of water but a guy with a long beard and Turban went through straight away.

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Having Donald J. Trump give a lecture on business ethics would be is like having a lереr give you a facial

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Anyway, he’s just been expelled for grabbing his teacher by the рussy.

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Why are professional skiers always politically correct?
Because it's a slippery slоре!

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Q. Why is the EU full?
A. They just lost 1 GB.

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A lot of people criticize the American government’s policy of bombing foreign countries to make them more peaceful but on the plus side it’s a great way for Americans to learn geography.

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A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville , FL.
He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the sh!t out of a flag burner and an Obama supporter.”
The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

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Now that Donald Trump has been elected, there is speculation as to whether Chris Christie will be part of the cabinet….
…
…. or stealing snacks from it.

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Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him.

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Just got an email from a Nigerian king asking for my bank details to send me $1 million. They must think I’m sтuрid, after going to the trouble of kidnapping his daughter and holding her in my basement I need at least $10 million.

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I was going to make a joke about Hamas but it Israeli inappropriate.

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A Russian spy, a sеxuаl predator and a billionaire walk into a bar.
The bar tender says:
“What can I get you Mr President?”

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