Political Joke

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Does this sound like someone you elected??
“I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth.”

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Now that we are into renaming things like Mount Diablo, President Obama wants to rename the San Andreas Fault. His suggestion, Bush's Fault.

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Two philosophers were sitting at a restaurant, discussing whether or not there was a difference between misfortune and disaster.
“There is most certainly a difference,” said one. “If the cook suddenly died and we couldn’t have our dinner that would be a misfortune __ but certainly not a disaster. On the other hand, if a cruise ship carrying the Congress was to sink in the middle of the ocean, that would be a disaster __ but by no stretch of the imagination would it be a misfortune

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Three prominent politicians in boarded the same flight to from New York to England.
The first Politician started, “I can throw one $1000 note down and make one person laugh.”
“I can make two persons laugh with just two $500 notes.” the second politician replied.
The third politician retorted, “With just five pieces of $200 I can make five people laugh.”
The pilot then looked at the politicians and added, “I’m the pilot here, meaning I can throw all of you down and make more than 150 million people laugh.”

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Why do politicians make the best patients in surgery?
They have no guts, no heart, no spine, and the head and аss are interchangeable.

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Government has announced new plans to help first-time buyers which is great. They have as much right as anyone to have a house repossessed.

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Q. What is a conservative?
A. A conservative is an X-liberal that got mugged.

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A Muslim walks into a bar.
Lots of people get killed.

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The following conversation took place between Hillary Clinton and Sатаn.
Hillary: I thought you said I was gonna win the election!!
Satan: I thought you said you had a soul.

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Fed up of airport security. Just got stopped for carrying a bottle of water but a guy with a long beard and Turban went through straight away.

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Having Donald J. Trump give a lecture on business ethics would be is like having a lереr give you a facial

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Anyway, he’s just been expelled for grabbing his teacher by the рussy.

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Q. Why is the EU full?
A. They just lost 1 GB.

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A lot of people criticize the American government’s policy of bombing foreign countries to make them more peaceful but on the plus side it’s a great way for Americans to learn geography.

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(Little brother to his older sister) What is political correctness?
(Older sister) It's something you're not suppose to talk about.
(Little brother) How am I going to find out what it is if I can't talk about it?
(Older sister) You can talk about it but you have to talk about it in the right way.
(Little brother) How do I talk about it the right way?
(Older Sister) Just don't say anything and you can't go wrong!
(Little brother) How am I suppose to communicate and tell people how I feel.
(Older Sister) I haven't got that part figured out yet, it's a slippery slоре.
(Little brother) What's a slippery slоре?

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A US Marine enters the Catholic Church confessional booth in Jacksonville , FL.
He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. Last night, I beat the sh!t out of a flag burner and an Obama supporter.”
The priest says, “My son, I am here to forgive your sins, not to discuss your community service.”

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Now that Donald Trump has been elected, there is speculation as to whether Chris Christie will be part of the cabinet….
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…. or stealing snacks from it.

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Don’t know why everyone suddenly thinks North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un is crazy. It was obvious after he made that song ‘Gangnam Style’ that something wasn’t quite right with him.

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