Programmer Jokes

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Everyone knows that if you are going to operate a business in today’s world you need a domain name. It is advisable to look at the domain name selected as other see it and not just as you think it looks. Failure to do this may result in situations such as the following (legitimate) companies who deal in everyday humdrum products and services but clearly didn’t give their domain names enough consideration:
A site called Who Represents where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name is
Www. Whorepresents. Com
Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at
Www. Expertsexchange. Com
Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at
Www. Penisland. Net
Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at
Www. Therapistfinder. Com
Then of course, there’s the Italian Power Generator company
Www. Powergenitalia. Com
And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales
Www. Molestationnursery. Com
If you’re looking for computer software, there’s always
Www. Ipanywhere. Com
Welcome to the First Сuммing Methodist Church. Their website is
Www. Cummingfirst. Com
Then, of course, there’s these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:
Www. Speedofart. Com
Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at
Www. Gotahoe. Com
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It says:
"Press Any Key"
It means:
"Press any key you like but I'm not moving."
It says:
"Press A Key"
(This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.)
It says:
"Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error
No. 1A4-2546512430E" It means:
"... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."
It says:
"Installing program to C:\...."
It means:
"... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:\windows and c:\windows\system where you'll NEVER find them."
It says:
"Please insert disk 11"
It means:
"Because I know dаrn well there are only 10 disks."
It says:
"Not enough memory"
It means:
"I don't CARE if you've got 64MB of RAM, I want to use the bit below 640K."
It says:
"Cannot read from drive D:...."
It means:
"... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."
It says:
"Please Wait...."
It means:
"... Indefinitely."
It says:
"Directory does not exist...."
It means:
".... any more. Whoops."
It says:
"The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close."
It means:
".... Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."
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Warning Signs of Insanity for Programmers.
1. You stay up all night coding only to realize that you haven't had any caffeine in about 6 hours.
2. You wonder why on earth anyone would make a programming language conform to such absolutely bizarre rules of grammar but in a strange way it actually begins to make sense.
3. You start dreaming in recursion (if you have any time to dream).
4. You realize not only is it daytime but your project is due in 2 hours, which isn't enough time to even begin running it.
5. You start customizing your environment because you want it "just right" (and because further work on the program is futile).
6. You wonder when the invasion will begin.
7. You understand #8.
8. You start signing your name in octal (or binary) just because.
9. You know more programming commands than actual words.
10. You realize that you have reached the end, and there is no closing command.
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Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"
The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies,
"Okay."
The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot
Tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, ‘'You have exactly 1,586 sheep."
The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your choicest sheep from the herd."
The young man takes one of the animals which he likes most and cute from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"
The young man laughed and answers, "Yes, why not?"
The shepherd says,
"You are an auditor."
"How did you know?" asks the young man.
"Very simple," answers the shepherd.
" First, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business... now can I have my DOG back?"
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