School Jokes

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Boy: Dad, I got expelled from school.
Dad: WHAT?!?! WHY?!
Boy: A kid said "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
Dad: So?
Boy: So I threw a dictionary at him.
Dad: That's my boy.

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When the teacher told us to take a break I said can I take a break from school

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The professor said, “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow for the midterm exam. I might consider something like a car crash, or a death in the family, but that’s all.”
A student in the back of the room asked “What if I am suffering from complete sеxuаl exhaustion?”
The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the professor said, “Well, I guess you will have to write the exam with your other hand.”

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Little Johnny was learning about government at school so his teacher told him to ask they're parents what the government is. Little Johnny asked his dad what the government was and his dad said that there is the president, congress, work force, people and the future. He explained that dad is president, mom is the congress, the maid is the work force, he is the people and his brother is the future. Johnny still didn't get it so his dad asked him to sleep and maybe by tomorrow he'll know what the government is. In the middle of the night little Johnny woke up because he heard his brother crying. He found out that he had pooed in his pants so he went to ask for help. His mom was asleep so he went downstairs to find his dad. His dad was having sеx with the maid. "Now I know what the government is, the congress is asleep, the president is sсrеwing the works force, know one cares about the people and the future is full of сrар.

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The teacher asked Little Johnny why he brought his cat to school. …
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Little Johnny replied, “Because my dad told my mom he’s going to eat that рussy when the kids go to school…. I’m trying to save my cat!”

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What do you call a group of fish jumping rope?
Skipping School.

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You do comedy when you're like me. When you're Swedish and black, and you look like a Puerco Rican, and you mom's a Jehovah's Witness, who loves country western music, sends your black and white аss to an Irish Catholic school -- you've got some problems, right guys?

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The day before my high school graduation, the principal called an assembly. He wanted to say farewell informally, he explained, as he reviewed our years together.
There was hardly a dry eye among us as he concluded, "We will remember you, and hope you will remember us. More importantly, we want you to remember each other. I want all of you to meet in this very auditorium 25 years from today."
There was a moment of silence. Then a thin voice piped up, "What time?"

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At school I had the nickname ‘Slugger’
I wasn’t hard or anything, I just used to pull the shells off snails.

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Harry came home from Sunday school and asked his mother, “Do people really come from dust?” “In a way said,” said his mother. “And do they go back to dust?”
“Yes, in a way.” She replied. “Well, mother, I looked under my bed, and somebody’s either coming or going.”

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While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table and we started talking. He asked where my kids go to school. I told him we home-schooled them. With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.
I said,
"No, I also work, out of our home."
Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.
"He was born at home," I answered.
The man looked at me and then said,
"Wow, you don't get out much, do you?"

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Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

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Apparently, when the Queen was at school, her strongest subject was the Gym teacher.

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(Dad) I just got an invitation to my thirty year High School class reunion. I don’t think I’m going to attend.
(Son) Dad isn’t it true that each year the graduating class is larger than the year before.
(Dad) Yes, that’s generally how it works. By the time you graduate son the graduation class should be double of what it was last year.
(Son) My point exactly, based on that I really think you should attend.
(Dad) What point?
(Son) I just did the math in my head and it just wouldn’t be fair to the other two graduates if you missed it.

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Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees.

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Little johnny's teacher was warned before the start of school to never make a bet with him. she understood. school started and little johnny bet his teacher 50$ that he could guess what color underware she had on. she said " ok after class come to to me and tell me your guess. he said ok. during class the teacher slipped out to the bathroom and removed her underware. after class little johnny told his teacher his quess. he said blue. she said nope i aint got none on. she hiked up her skirt to show him. he said ok here is your money, but its fine i bet my dad 100$ that i could see your рussy by the end of the day.

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Why did Little Johnny bring a ladder to school?
He wanted a higher education.

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Little johnny came from school one night to hear noises coming from his perants bedroom and he walked in to see his dad on top of his mom and he asked them what they were doing they replied baking a cake little johnny said to his pearants were you baking cakes last night as well they said yess little johnny replied: because i licked the icing off the couch

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