Sex Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

Q:what happens when you рiss in a girl during sex
A:She gets рissеd off

0

0

Any Call of Duty players? I have this problem. I just finished a team death match game and I went to see stats but the stats I’m looking for are not showing up and now when the girls have stopped reading this does anybody know a good роrn site?

0

0

I’m starting to get self-conscious about my body odour. On my last two dates, the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sеx.
Not sure of the brand but it had a distinct sharp, peppery smell.

0

0

My wife wanted to try something different in bed last night.
So we had sеx.

0

0

I read in the paper a couple of days ago that the number one thing that guys say when they get picked up for soliciting prostitutes is they say that they were asking for directions. So that means conversations like this are taking place outside my house:
'Excuse me, ma'am, can you tell me how to get to the corner of Sunset Boulevard and Оrаl Sеx?'
'Oh, you want to get to the corner of Sunset and Оrаl? You're gonna want to take $75 Street.'

0

0

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach.
He had no arms and no legs.
Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.
The first woman said ‘Have you ever had a hug?’
The man said ‘No’, so she gave him a hug and walked on.
The second woman said ‘Have you ever had a kiss?’
The man said ‘No,’ so she gave him a kiss and walked on.
The third really beautiful woman came up to him and said, ‘Have you ever been fcuked?’
The fellow said ‘No.’
She said, ‘Well you will be soon, the tide’s coming in.’

0

0

Now they are saying that the Zika virus is sexually transmittable. What kind of pervert is having sеx with a mosquito?

0

0

Me and my buddy were маsтurватing to some hаrdсоrе dinosaur роrnоgrарhy.
Unfortunately, my mothersaurus.

0

0

I love оrаl sеx... it's the phone bill I hate.

0

0

A man out playing golf slices off into the woods. When he goes to find the ball he discovers a witch (hat and all) stirring a cauldron. So out of curiosity he asks her what she is brewing. …
…
“A magic potion” she replies. …
….
“Well what is it for?” he asks.
“This potion will make anyone an excellent golfer.”
At this he gets really excited and asks if he can have some. She is agreeable but warns him that it will have dire consequences on his sеx life.
After a short period of soul searching, he decides to try the potion. He goes back to the golf course and completes an excellent game of golf. Next he challenges the golf pro and beats him easily. He spends every possible moment of the next year playing golf at every course he manages to get to and has a wonderful time of it. After a year he finds himself back at the same course where he found the witch. Out of curiosity he slices one into the woods so he can talk to her.
“Well”, she asks, “How has your game been?”
“Great! This has been the best year of my life. I have played all over the country and never lost a game.”
“And how about your sеx life?”
“Oh, not bad.”
“Really? This stuff can really ruin a guy’s sеx life. Say, how many times did you have sеx last year?”
“Hmmmm, it was three, no, four times.”
“And you call that not bad?”
“Not for a priest with a small parish.”

0

0

Most women would be happy to be woken up on their birthday with breakfast in bed, flowers and 20 minutes of great оrаl sеx!
But Oh no! Not my sister!

0

0

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up the young couple who lived there. They had been sleeping so he just tied them to the bed.
As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his wife, bound up on the bed in her skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't been with a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sеx with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it."
She hissed and spit out her gag and said,
"I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you are really cute!"

0

0

Just thought you should know: Vibrators are causing quite the buzz in the bedroom.

0

0

When my girlfriend said she wanted to have sеx I was really excited until I heard her singing in the shower, "I'm gonna put my diск in my boyfriends mouth."

0

0

I walked into a florist today and said “I want a bunch of flowers for my wife.”
The cashier looked at me and said, “What are you after?”
I said, “Some sеx.”

0

0

Calling out your ex-girlfriend’s name during sеx is a nice way to show your current girlfriend that you won’t forget her either after you leave her.

0

0

I’ve managed to stop my wife from suскing her thumb….
I’ve had a tattoo of a соск put on it.

0

0

At a local college there was a dance. A guy from America asked a girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing he gives her a little squeeze and says, “In America we call this a hug.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden, we call it a hug too.”
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek and says, “In America we call this a kiss.”
She says, “Yaah, in Sweden we call it a kiss too.”
Later that evening after quite a few drinks, he takes her out on the campus lawn and proceeds to have sеx with her and says, “In America we call this a grass sandwich.”
She says, “Yaaah, in Sweden we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

0

0