Two old men decide they are close to their last days
And decide to have a last night on the town.
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers
And whispers to her manager, ‘go up to the first
Two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed.
These two are so old and drunк, i’m not wasting
Two of my girls on them. They won’t know
The difference.’
The manager does as he is told and the two old
Men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says, ‘you
Know, i think my girl was dead!’
‘Dead?’ says his friend, ‘why
Do you say that?’
‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the
Time i was loving her.’
His friend says, ‘could be worse i think mine was
A witch.’
‘A witch ??. . Why the hеll would you say that?’
‘Well, i was making love to her, kissing her on
The neck, and i gave her a little bite, then she
Farted and flew out the window… took my
Teeth with her!’
He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forward,
Then backwards, forward, then backwards again…… back and forth…
Back and forth….. in and out…….
…
She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her вrеаsтs and trickling
Down the small of her back.
She was getting near to the end.
Her heart was pounding….. Her face was flushed…..
Then she moaned, softly at first, and then began to groan louder.
Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted,
“Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you smug ваsтаrd!!!”
Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know. It requires a bit of explanation.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you’re a раnsy.
If you work too hard, there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing вuм.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, its equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, its sеxuаl harassment. If you keep quiet, its male indifference.
If you cry, you’re a wimp. If you don’t, you’re an insensitive ваsтаrd.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s dомinатiоn. If SHE asks you, it’s a favour.
If you appreciate the female form and sеxy underwear, you’re a pervert. If you don’t, you’re gаy.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist. If you don’t, you’re unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain. If you don’t, you’re a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you’re after something. If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful.
If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re full of yourself. If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she’s tired. If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you’re oversexed. If you don’t, there must be someone else.
Why do men die first?
Because they want to!