Sports Jokes

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The soccer match was over and the center forward (striker), who had muffed three easy goal shots, came over to the manager and said:
‘You’ll have to excuse me if I dash off, chief. I’ve got a plane to catch and I don’t want to miss it.’
‘Off you go, then,’ said the manager. ‘And better luck with the plane.

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Is it just me or do Liverpool seem to have lost their bite this season ?

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What does the 'N' in the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
Knowledge.

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One fisherman to another, "You should've seen what happened yesterday at the lake."
"What happened?"
"I caught a twenty-three pound salmon!"
"Were there any witnesses?"
"Yes, of course! If there wasn't, it would've been thirty-three pounds."

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If procrastionation was an Olympic sport, I'd compete in it later.

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What’s the difference between Prince Andrew and Manchester United?
Prince Andrew’s never regretted getting rid of Fergie.

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Did you know O. J. Simpson is a fаn of Peyton Manning?
Yep, he likes slow white Broncos.

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What sickness does a martial artist get? Kung flu.

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England Tracksuit For Sale XXXL hardly used
Phone 07899 999999 ask for Sam!

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I haven’t seen one medal awarded at the Olympics for participation.

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Why do artists never win when they play football?
They keep drawing!

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What do you call twelve bouncers all in the same Manhattan bar?
The New York Knicks

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Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!

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What’s better than seeing the look of disappointment on the faces of Celtic supporters, after crashing out of the Champions League?
Seeing it twice.

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Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.

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BREAKING: Steven Gerrard has announced he will be releasing a new book about his career with Liverpool.
As of yet, the book has no title…

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Oscar Pistorius may be guilty but to be fair girls spend f*cking ages in the bathroom!

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What’s the hardest part about skydiving
The ground.

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