Sports Jokes

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Why do artists never win when they play football?
They keep drawing!

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What do you call twelve bouncers all in the same Manhattan bar?
The New York Knicks

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A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

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What’s better than seeing the look of disappointment on the faces of Celtic supporters, after crashing out of the Champions League?
Seeing it twice.

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Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.

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BREAKING: Steven Gerrard has announced he will be releasing a new book about his career with Liverpool.
As of yet, the book has no title…

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Oscar Pistorius may be guilty but to be fair girls spend f*cking ages in the bathroom!

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What’s the hardest part about skydiving
The ground.

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Jurgen Klopp goes in to church to confession and says,
“Forgive me father for I have sinned!”
The priest replies, “Come forth my child!” Klopp retorts, “Come forth? We’ll be lucky if we come вlооdy tenth!”

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"Hello 911, my wife passed out, but wait, I think she's starting to come to again."
(911) "What happened just before she passed out?"
"I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner."
(911) "Then what happened?"
"She said, 'On a Monday night?' and then she passed out."
(911) "No worries then, she'll be fine. I get a rash of these calls when they cancel Monday night football."

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I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.

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Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?
Find out, after the break.

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Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious-looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.
Practice was immediately suspended while the Drug Enforcement Agency was called in to investigate.
After a complete field analysis, the DEA determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the DEA agents decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

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He can't decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

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Beware: At 5pm today 11 CLOWNS will be running around London in England stripes!

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If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?

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My favorite baseball team keeps losing games, but they continue to have a T-Shirt Night, Cap Night, Bat Night, etc...
How about something new and exciting this season like a WINNING Night!

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It was only her second date with a diehard baseball fаn, and Sally was a little nervous. It was her fault they arrived at the ballpark a full hour after the game had started. Taking her seat, Sally glanced up at the scoreboard. It was a tight pitcher’s battle, bottom of the fifth, 0-0. “Look, John,” she exclaimed with relief, “we haven’t missed a thing.”

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