Sports Jokes

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What do you call twelve bouncers all in the same Manhattan bar?
The New York Knicks

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A lion would never cheat on his wife but a Tiger Wood.

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Why didn't the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!

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Want to get noticed? Go jogging without moving your arms.

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BREAKING: Steven Gerrard has announced he will be releasing a new book about his career with Liverpool.
As of yet, the book has no title…

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Oscar Pistorius may be guilty but to be fair girls spend f*cking ages in the bathroom!

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What’s the hardest part about skydiving
The ground.

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Jurgen Klopp goes in to church to confession and says,
“Forgive me father for I have sinned!”
The priest replies, “Come forth my child!” Klopp retorts, “Come forth? We’ll be lucky if we come вlооdy tenth!”

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"Hello 911, my wife passed out, but wait, I think she's starting to come to again."
(911) "What happened just before she passed out?"
"I asked her if she wanted to go out to dinner."
(911) "Then what happened?"
"She said, 'On a Monday night?' and then she passed out."
(911) "No worries then, she'll be fine. I get a rash of these calls when they cancel Monday night football."

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I think football would become an even better game if someone could invent a ball that kicks back.

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Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?
Find out, after the break.

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The wife was telling me I need more exercise. I told her, "Well, I'll take up sports then."
She laughed and said,
"Why don't you just order the sports channel on cable? Shaking your fist at the TV and yelling at the games is more exercise than you'll get actually playing them."

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He can't decide whether to have his visor half open or half closed.

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Beware: At 5pm today 11 CLOWNS will be running around London in England stripes!

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If I buy a soccer ball, will you kick it with me?

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My favorite baseball team keeps losing games, but they continue to have a T-Shirt Night, Cap Night, Bat Night, etc...
How about something new and exciting this season like a WINNING Night!

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It was only her second date with a diehard baseball fаn, and Sally was a little nervous. It was her fault they arrived at the ballpark a full hour after the game had started. Taking her seat, Sally glanced up at the scoreboard. It was a tight pitcher’s battle, bottom of the fifth, 0-0. “Look, John,” she exclaimed with relief, “we haven’t missed a thing.”

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What do you call 143 white guys chasing after one black guy?
The PGA Tour
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run!
Why did the chicken get sent off?
For persistent fowl play!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
Because it heard the referee was blowing fouls
What should a football team do if the pitch is flooded?
Bring on their subs!
Why did Cinderella get kicked off the baseball team?
Because she ran away from the ball!
Why Was Cinderella such a lousy baseball player?
She had a pumpkin for a coach!
Why did a outfielder take a piece of rope onto the field?
He was the skipper!
How did the football pitch end up as triangle?
Somebody took a corner!
Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a boxer!
What lights up a soccer stadium?
A soccer match!
Why do grasshoppers not go to many football matches?
They prefer cricket matches!

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