Sports Jokes

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A German competitor was lost, and wanted directions to the Olympic village. He was standing outside East Ham tube station when he saw two lads walking by so he stops them and asks, ‘Entschuldigung, sprechen Sie Deutsch?” ‘
The two lads look at each other blankly and stare back at the German.
‘Excusez-moi, parlez vous Français?’ He tries.
The two continue to stare.
‘Parlare Italiano?’ Still absolutely no response from the two lads.
‘Hablan ustedes Espanol?’ The London lads remain totally silent.
The German Olympian walks off extremely disappointed and downhearted that he had not been understood. One of the boys turns to the second and says, ‘You know, maybe we should learn a foreign language!’
‘Why?’ says the other, ‘That German guy knew four languages, and it didn’t do him any good!’

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Definition of Eternity: The last two minutes of a football game.

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Sven was just pulling his boat up on shore when Ollie wandered up with a puzzlement: …
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Ollie: Sven! Vat cho been doin?
Sven: I bin fishin,’ Ole. Wha cho tink I bin doin with deese here rods?
Ollie: Ditcha catch anythin?
Sven: (Under his breath:
“Dumb svede.”) Of course I catch somethin. Sven alvays catches ven he fishes.
Ole: If I guess how many you catch will you gimme one o’ dem?
Sven: If you guesses how many I catch I’ll give you BOTH a dem!
Ole: I guess TREE!
Sven: Dat ain’t bad for a Svede. You only missed it by TWO!

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Why do Canadians do it doggy style? ….
…..
So the guy has a place to rest his Molson’s вееr and Hickory Sticks and watch the hockey game.

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"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours."
"Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical."
"Because it gets late early." (On why it's so tough to play left field in Yankee stadium.)
"If the people don't want to come out to the park, nobody's gonna stop them."
"It ain't over till it's over."
"It's deja vu all over again."
"No wonder nobody comes here; it's too crowded."
"We have very deep depth!"
"We made too many wrong mistakes."
"You can observe a lot by just watching."

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Mike Tyson's new slogans:
If you can't Fight Them !
Bite Them !
If you can't Beat Them !
Eat Them !

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I invented telescopic arms for snooker players…….. And the rest is history.

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We all know that the Super Bowl is the football game with the AFC champion playing the NFC champion.
There should be a Toilet Bowl where the worst team in each conference plays each other, where the winning team gets the first round draft pick and/or a plunger shaped trophy.

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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, “Why the long face?”
The horse replies, “I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the тwат on my back.”

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Sports do not build character. They reveal it.

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No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse.

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Played golf earlier today after taking LSD, it was crazy!!

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The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.

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Maria Sharapova is never gonna win another major title as long as Mike Tyson keeps putting that wig on.

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Did you hear the latest story about some major tennis players being involved in witchcraft?? Goran, even he’s a witch.

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What do Manchester United and Richard the Third have in common?
They both got buried in Leicester

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What's your handicap these days?" one golfer asked another.
"I'm a scratch golfer... I write down all my good scores and
Scratch out all my bad ones."

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A boxer's trainer told him to stay down until 8...
He looked up from the canvas and asked,
"What time is it now?"

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