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Български English Dumme Witze, Mist Witze, Wenn ... Chistes tontos, Chistes absurd... Русский Français Barzellette Demenziali Ελληνικά Глупи Вицови Türkçe Анекдоти про дуже дурні речі Português Dowcipy i kawały: Głupie Svenska Domme grappen Dansk Norsk Hölmöläisvitsit, Tyhmät vitsit Magyar Româna Čeština Lietuvių Latviešu Glupi Vicevi
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Stupid / Dumb Jokes

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A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an apologetic Domino's Pizza:
Customer: "Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no Toppings on it or anything, it's Just Bread"
Domino's: "We're sorry to hear about this!"
Customer (minutes later): "Never mind, I opened the pizza upside down :/"
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Man: Let me have some grits and a Coca Cola.
Guy behind the counter: You must be from Georgia.
Man: What the hеll kinda stereotypical remark is that? If I walked in here and asked for a sausage, would you think I was Polish?
Guy: No.
Man: If I walked in here and asked for some Chow Mein, would you think I was Chinese?
Guy: No.
Man: If I walked in here and asked for some pizza, would you think I was Italian?
Guy: No.
Man: Then why in the hеll do you think I’m from Georgia?
Guy: Because this is a hardware store.
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My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
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In the USA, the southern states have their rednecks; New York, (where Раddy and Seamus immigrated from Ireland,) and Minnesota, to the north, with three or four dim bulbs called Ollie, Lena and Sven who must have migrated from the Scandanavian countries. …
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Ollie answered the phone one day and came back to the living room crying.
“Vell, Ollie! Vat in da vorld is da matter?” asks the sympathetic Lena.
“I yust had bad news, Lena,” Ollie replied, “My fadder yust died!!”
Just then the phone rang again, Ole went to answer it and came back crying again.
“Vell, now, Ole, vat is da matter?” asked Lena.
“Dat vas my brudder.” said Ole. “His fadder yust died too!”
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A quick guide on “How to fall downstairs”:
Step 1
Step 6
Step 8,9,10,11
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Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wun?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller :No, I want speak to Annie Wun!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me.Who is this?
Caller : I’m Sam Wun. And I need to talk to Annie Wun! It’s urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s the urgent matter about?
Caller : Well…just tell my sister Annie Wun that our brother Noe Wun was involved in an accident. Noe Wun was injured and now Noe Wun is being sent to the hospital. Right now, my father, Avery Wun is one his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I’m Saw Ree.
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Qui rit le dernier pense le moins vite.
He who laughs last, thinks the slowest.
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I went for a self-defence class last night.
The instructor said, “I want you to take me by surprise and attack me.”
So, when I saw him in Sainsbury’s the next day, I threw a tin of beans at his head.
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Three convicts escape from prison. They make it to a nearby town but are confronted by a policeman.
“Hey, aren’t you those three escaped convicts?”, asked the policeman.
Thinking on his feet the first convict looked around him and said “no, I’m Mark, Mark Spencer.”
“The second followed his lead and said “My names is William, W H Smith.”
The third said “My name is Ken… Ken Tuckyfriedchicken!
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My wife keeps complaining about her nine to five job.
I must admit, 4:51 is a strange time to start work.
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So I just turned 21 and there is still no change in my eyesight…
When do I get my adult supervision?
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This time 5 years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl I’ve met out for dinner, today I asked her to marry me, she said no both times.
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Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job
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Interviewer: “Name?”
Tarzan: “Me, Tarzan.”
Interviewer: “Married?”
Tarzan: “Wife, Jane.”
Interviewer: “Children?”
Tarzan: “Son, boy.”
Interviewer: “Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?”
Tarzan: “Tarzan, King of the Jungle.”
Interviewer: “Jane’s Whole Name?”
Tarzan: “Jane’s Hole named Рussy.”
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Shouldn’t the air and space museum be empty?
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Until 1961 it was illegal to attempt suicide in the UK.
The punishment was death.
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1. You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
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2. The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
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3. The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
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4. Birds are attracted to your beard.
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5. Your wife’s job requires her to wear an orange vest.
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6. Your school fight song was “Dueling Banjos”
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7. You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
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8. Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
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9. You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
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10. There are more than five McDonald’s bags in your car.
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Attribution: Jeff Foxworthy
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- Képzeld még mindig nem tudtam eladni az autómat
Ollie was trying to sell his car. He was having a lot of problems selling it because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, he told his problem to his friend Sven who worked at the gas station. Sven told him, “Ollie, der’s a way ta make selling da car easier, but it ain’t legal.”
“Dat don’t matter,” replied Ollie, “If I can sell da car, dat’s ok.”
“Okay,” said Sven. “Here’s da address of a frienda mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell em I sent you and he vill turn da counter in yer car back ta 50,000 miles. Den it von’t be a problem ta sell yer car anymore.”
The following weekend, Ollie made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Sven asked Ollie, “Vell, Ollie, did ya sell yer car?”
“No,” replied Ole, “Vy should I sell it, ya duммy? Now it only has 50,000 miles on it.”
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I went duck shooting today.
There was bits of yellow rubber everywhere and my kids climbed out of the bath screaming.
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