Donald Trump Jokes

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What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?
The letter F!

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Q: You know what lego set Trump played with as a kid?
A: The wall maker set.

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Why will the congress never impeach Trump?
Because the republicans always insist on carrying a baby to full term.

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Donald Trump was asked what the J in Donald J Trump stood for
He said 'Genius'

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The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on stage in front of a huge crowd.
The Pope leaned towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and for the rest of their lives whenever they speak of this day, they will rejoice!"
Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"
So the Pope slapped her.

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Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump.
But its a silly comparison really, its like comparing apples to oranges.

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Donald Trump went to see the doctor to get the results of his brain scan.
The doctor said: "Mr. President, I have some bad news for you. First, we have discovered that your brain has two sides: the left side and the right side."
Trump interrupted, "Well, that’s normal, isn’t it? I thought everybody had two sides to their brain?"
The doctor replied, "That’s true, Mr. President. But your brain is very unusual because on the left side there isn’t anything right, while on the right side there isn’t anything left."

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Three boys walk through the woods and suddenly hear cries for help.
They follow the sound to the lake and see Donald Trump drowning.
The boys jump into the water and drag him to shore.
Donald Trump asks the boys how he can repay them.
The first boy says, "I want a boat."
The second boy says, "I want a truck."
The third boy says, "I want a nice tombstone."
Donald Trump asks, "Why is that?"
The boy says, "Because when my dad finds out I helped save you, he's going to кill me."

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When Trump borrows $1,000,000 from his dad it's a small loan
But when he donates that much money to Texas, it's a yuuuge contribution
Edit: *Alleged* contribution of $1 million. Also, thank you kind gilder

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What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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The problem with Trump jokes:
Republicans don't think they're funny, and Democrats don't think they're jokes.

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“You’re telling me that I’m losing my job because Donald Trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I’M BLACK?!”
“Mister President, we’ve been over this.

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What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

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How much is Donald Trump's life insurance?
Just one pence.

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Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump’s wall !! …
…
On the condition he gets to install windows.

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If Donald Trump becomes President I'm going to Mexico.
Not by choice though.

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If Trump played DnD, what weapon would he use?
Fire staff

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Why did the Mexican take Xanax?
For hispanic attacks.

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