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Jokes about Women

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I was sitting on the bus when the Grim Reaper appeared out of nowhere.
“Your time has come,” he said.
“This must be a mistake!” I exclaimed, “I’m still young and healthy!”
“No it’s not a mistake,” he said, as he pointed towards the female bus driver.
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Q: Is google a boy or girl? - Абе Гоше I am often asked Дорогой Гугл Google et les femmes Google es como una mujer Google ist definitiv weiblich. Sie lässt dich nicht ausreden Q. What do women and Google have in common? A. They both can’t ever let you finish a sentence without making a suggestion. Er Google en mand eller en kvinde? – En kvinde Google Er Google en hun eller en han? Det er en hun Hvordan man med sikkerhet kan si at Google er ei kvinne? - Du får aldri sjansen til å fullføre en setning uten at hun kommer med et forslag. Google е женско 100%! Има одговор за се. - Τo google είναι θηλυκό ή αρσενικό? - Θηλυκό
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
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Women fuскing drivers! I was behind one on my way home from work and she indicated to turn left and what does she go and do? She actually turns left!
How am I supposed to prepare myself with these fuскing mind games?
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Maths Exam
Question 1: A car weighing 200kg, travelling at 10 miles an hour crashed into the back of a stationary van weighing 500kg.
What is the probability a woman was driving this car?
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Why are women so good in hockey?
Because it looks so much like sweeping!
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Some universities have Women Studies, but no Men Studies. That’s pretty sexist, but then I realised we do have Men Studies.
It’s called History.
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I like my women like I like my coffee. … …
…
…
Stuffed in a burlap sack and smuggled across Brazil.
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Georgie is walking down the street after a sеx-change operation has transformed him into a beautiful woman.
An old friend sees him and says, “Georgie, you look great… you’re beautiful!”
Georgie says, “Thanks… but holy Сhrisт, did it hurt.”
His friend says, “When they cut open your chest and put in those implants?”
Georgie says, “No, that didn’t really hurt.”
His friend says, “When they cut off your gеniтаls?”
Georgie says, “No, that didn’t really hurt.”
His friend says, “Then what did hurt?”
Georgie says, “When the doctor drilled a hole in my head and suскеd out half my brain!”
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A man is out walking in the hills when he sees a woman standing on the edge of a cliff. She is very upset and crying loudly.
“What are you doing up here?” says the man.
“I’m going to кill myself,” replied the woman.
“Well, before you do, what about letting me fuск you in the аss?” said the man.
The woman proceeds to let him fuск her in the аss and it’s the best one the guy can remember.
“Anyway, why do you want to кill yourself?” asks the man.
“Because my family have disowned me for dressing up as a woman.”
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99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.
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I saw a woman trying to park her car in the Tesco car park today.
After a few minutes I went over and said, “Would you like me to do that for you?”
“No thanks,” she replied.
“Are you sure?” I asked, as I walked out with my shopping 45 minutes later.
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If a tree falls on a woman and there’s nobody around to hear it, then why was there a tree in the kitchen?
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A study has shown that women are better at driving in the fog than men…
Of course they are, they’re used to not looking where they’re going.
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Why do most homes have a window above the kitchen sink?
It gives women a point of view.
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Why are women's feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink while washing dishes.
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“I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women’s skirts today,” I told the barman after my second whiskey.
“That’s pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Not on eBay it isn’t!” I said.
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It’s impossible for women to be more intelligent than men because, where men have their brains, they just have a gaping hole!
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Scientists have just announced today that Dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels.
So that pushes women down to third place.
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