Animal Jokes

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What's black and white and green?
A frog sitting on a newspaper.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and an amoeba?
One wears a tie.

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3 bums were outside a bar.The first one went in and asked for a fork.The second one went in and also asked for a fork. Then the third one went in and wanted a straw. At this point, the bartender became curious.
"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"
"Well," the вuм said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."

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A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"
Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."
And the bartender says, ''Excuse me , I was talking to the goose.''

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Q: What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.

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What did the lеsвiаn frog say to the other lеsвiаn frog?
"What d'ya know, we do taste like chicken."

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Little girl: "Why does your son say, 'Cluck, cluck, cluck?'"
Mother: "Because he thinks he's a chicken."
Little girl: "Why don't you tell him he's not a chicken?"
Mother: "We need the eggs."

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What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!

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A computer programmer happens across a frog in the road.
The frog pipes up, "I'm really a beautiful princess and if you kiss me, I'll stay with you for a week".
The programmer shrugs his shoulders and puts the frog in his pocket.
A few minutes later, the frog says "OK, OK, if you kiss me, I'll give you great sеx for a week".
The programmer nods and puts the frog back in his pocket.
A few minutes later, "Turn me back into a princess and I'll give you great sеx for a whole year!"
The programmer smiles and walks on.
Finally, the frog says, "What's wrong with you? I've promised you great sеx for a year from a beautiful princess and you won't even kiss a frog?"
"I'm a programmer," he replies.
"I don't have time for sеx. But a talking frog is pretty neat."

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Fred came home from his first day at school.
"Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."

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I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.

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There is three kids sitting at the lunch table one day.
One kid ask what do you call a mixed baby? One replies a zebra,another replies a mistake and the third one replies. Rape

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Did you hear about the man who ate nothing but oats every day?
He fell in love with the Grand National winner!

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What do cows sing at their friends birthday parties?
"Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo."

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Why do police dogs liск their ваlls?
To get the taste of Niggеr out their mouths.

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When Chuck Norris visits Africa, the animals are required to stay in their cars.

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What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily.

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Fishing rule #1: The least experienced fisherman always catches the biggest fish.
Fishing rule #2: The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you.
Fishing rule #3: Fishing will do a lot for a man but it won't make him truthful.

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