Animal Jokes

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Why is there no gambling in Africa?
- Too many Cheetahs!

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In a park people come across a man playing chess against a dog.
They were astonished and said:
"What a clever dog!"
But the man protested and replied:
"No, no, he isn't that clever.
I'm leading by three games to one!"

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A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying nакеd on the bed.
After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a nакеd man standing there.
"Who the hеll are you?" he yells.
The nакеd guy replies, "I'm the moth inspector."
"Oh, yeah? What are you doing nакеd?"
He looks down and exclaims, "Oh my God, I'm too late!"

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Did you hear about the skunk who sat on a fаn?
He got cut off without a scent.

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Curiosity didn't кill the cat.
Chuck Norris did.

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Did you hear the joke about the skunk?
Never mind, it stinks.

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My соw just wandered into a field of marijuana.
The steaks have never been so high…

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When two men have sеx what position are they going to be in?
But what about when two dogs have sеx?
That means that the two men are having sеx doggy style then what ways are the dogs having sеx?
That means that the dogs are having an affair with the men to have sеx doggy style.

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Scooby Doo prefers Norris snacks'.

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Why do hippos have to have sеx in water?
Ever try to keep two tons of рussy wet?

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What did the соw wear to the football game?
A Jersey.

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So this rетаrdеd blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay.
The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills.
So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well.
In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills."
So we told the Warden and he laughed he said:
"You know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!"
The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!"
The blind couple said,
"What happens to the fishes?"
The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"

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Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.

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Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

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You said it was a great horse and it is.
It took twenty other horses to beat him!

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A man came home from the bar with an unknown woman. He woke up in the morning and yelled,
"A crocodile, a crocodile!"
The woman woke up and asked,
"Where, where?"
A man cried again,
"O-o-oh, the crocodile is talking!"

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What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.

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What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player?
Bear Jordan.

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