Computers

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James Bond got this email from a friend:
CanYouPleaseFixTheSpaceBarOnMyKeyboard?

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When Chuck Norris logged in to WoW, everyone logged out.

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CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe."
Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

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Chuck Norris invented the internet so that he could reach his enemies, preferably ninjas.

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When Chuck Norris surfs the Internet, he actually surfs on a virtual wave of 1's and 0's.

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Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.
Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.
Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.
AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

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A project manager, a computer programmer and a computer operator are driving down the road when the car they are in gets a flat tire.
The three men try to solve the problem.
The project manager said:
"Let's catch a cab and in ten minutes we'll reach our destination."
The computer programmer said:
"We have here the driver's guide.
I can easily replace the flat tire and continue our drive."
The computer operator said:
"First of all, let's turn off the engine and turn it on again.
Maybe it will fix the problem."
Suddenly a Microsoft software engineer passed by and said:
"Try to close all windows, get off the car, and then get in and try again."

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Q: How do you know when a blonde's been sending email?
A: There are envelopes in the disk drive.

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Why didn’t the internet get any e-mail?
Because his e-dog kept chasing the e-postman.

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An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong.
Customer:
"I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide.
Tech Support:
"Umm-hmm. What happened?"
Customer:
"As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized."
Tech Support:
"Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?"
Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down.
'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'"
Tech Support:
"Er, what happened next?"
Customer:
"After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank.
And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them.
And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office.
Did I do something wrong?"

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I’ve got one those special filter programmes on my Internet access.
It’s really handy, it blocks out everything except роrn sites.

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Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.

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Smash forehead on keyboard to continue…

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Fed up with your computer winning at chess?
Try it at kick-boxing instead!

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Daddy, why doesn’t this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

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Chuck Norris logged on MSN through the display of washing machines.

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If you type Chuck Norris into Microsoft Word, the little paper-clip just hangs himself.

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Chuck Norris can infect a mac with pc viruses.

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