Dirty jokes

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Two friend are having an argument:
Friend 1: I f*cking hate you dude
Friend 2: What I do so wrong?
Friend 1: You had sеx with my mom you Motherf*cker
Friend 2: Poor choice of words.......

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Friend: it takes a minut to like someone, a day to have a crush, months to fall in love and a lifetime to forget. =D
Me: my mom one time forgot about me in the grocery store....

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I've just seen on the news that a girl i used to date had been rареd, murdered and her body dumped in the nearby woods,
Horrified, i fell to my knees
"No, no its not right, no it can't be" i screamed at the TV with my hands on my head.
"It was after i murdered her i rареd her body in the woods!, .. After!"

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Who does the cooking in a lеsвiаn relationship?
Neither of them. The both eat-out.

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( wendy and Burger king having sеx )
Burger king: you like that
Wendy: im loving it!
(burger king stops):wait what did you just say

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What's the difference between a blond girl and a brick wall?
The brick wall only gets laid once

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Son: Dad, do you ever believe in true justice
Dad: It's a hard question but no, why?
Son: Good because I just rареd a girl

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Boyfriend: Are you a whale?
Because we can humpback at my place.

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The more you flirt
The more I squirt.
The longer it shows
The father it goes
The more fun I have with you
The more i have to pay you.
The one's that are free to play
The longer my awesome day.

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Your house so dirтy the roaches ride around in dune buggies. I came over and one tripped me and a rat stole my wallet. Shit

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The following conversation took place at the supermarket while buying condoms.
Cashier: Do you want a bag for that?
Me: Thanks for the compliment but I think the condoms should be big enough.

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Me: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Sweetie, you can always tell me anything!
Me: You boss is a man-women...
Mom: That should explains her middle leg.

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Personally, I prefer going down.

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Boy: hey do why they call me bubbles...?
Girl:Why??
Boy:Because everybody loves blowing bubbles.

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You fellas seen these nursing bras? Cup opens right up. You got a snap on the cup: cup -- рооf -- opens right up. Where have these been? I spent 16 years with my hand behind her back, 'What is that a staple? A button? Little help?'

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I just broke up with this girl, and she was really into sеx games. Like, there was this one she used to like to play all the time -- it was called 'Sleep With My Friend Rob.'

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Let's discuss my raise in your corner office.

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Men are simple. We just want to eat, have sеx -- wouldn't mind eating again.

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