Dirty jokes

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I went to the doctor and I found out that I can't have children. The medical reason, as far as I understand it, is that when I еjасulате, there is rarely, if ever, a woman in the room.

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The three most important men in a women's life:
The doctor - who tells her to take off all her clothes
The dentist - who tells her to open wide
Milk man - who asks if she wants it in the front or back.

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If I'm ever in the military, I want to be in an all gаy platoon... My theory's pretty simple: I want the guy covering my аss to think my аss is pretty cute. I want them fighting for more than just country here, you know what I'm saying?

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Normally, I don't go for the piercings and tattoos, but then she said to me that she got them because she's addicted to the pain. Yeah, which -- I was kind of intimidated, but kind of turned on at the same time. 'Cause y'all don't know, but I've been out of a relationship for three months now. I'm ready to have that just-out-of-prison sеx.

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I didn't mean to get my cummerbund on you.

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"Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
I have a penis
And I will stick it in you.
Harder and harder you will moan.
Faster and faster it will grow.
White water comes in.
Baby comes out."
- Said your father.

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Do you wanna see a magic trick? Watch me pull something out of my pants!

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Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass?

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Did you hear about the dyslexic рrоsтiтuте? She was really good at cooking socks.

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Jhon: when there's three people its a тhrееsоме,
When there's two people its a twosome
I now know why they call me handsome

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Dog: ahhhhh, that swim was good
Cat: Nope, i hated it, i can't even walk on the kitchen floor without slipping
Dog: Heh heh, Well maybe you should stop being such a wet pussy
(fall's to floor laughing)
Cat:Ha ha, i really don't give a сrар, well at least not as much as you аsshоlе.
(fall's to floor laughing)

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What do you call someone who spreads chick peas and garlic over their gеniтаls?
A hummussexual.

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1). Got 4 friends? Play This Game.
2). Say I poo, instead say I one poo
Then I two poo, I three poo, I four poo, I five poo, I six poo, I seven Poo.
3). Guess what's the next one? 4). I eight poo = I ate poo.
5). Unlucky eighth friend

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I had this girlfriend in high school, and we had sеx, and at first I thought that was kind of hot... but I knew there was something wrong. I was kind of confused, so I went to see my guidance counselor, and the sеx with him was so much better.

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It is little jimmys birthday again and he is alowwed to do anything he wants.
His mum is in the shower so Jimmy asks "mum can I come in with you?" His mum replies "Yes but don't look up or down!" so little Jimmy climbs in the shower with his mum, at first he tried not to look up or down but he had to. He looked up and said "mummy what are they?" His mum replies again " they are flash lights," Jimmy looked down and said "what's that?" His mum replies a third time "it's a cave."
Later on that night jimmys dad was taking a shower, little Jimmy asked the same question that he had asked his mum the first time " dad can I come in with you?" Dad replies "yes but don't look down!" Jimmy once again got in the shower and couldn't help but look down, he looked down and said "daddy what's that?" His dad replies "it's a snake"
So when jimmys mum and dad were in bed he asked them if he could sleep with them. His mum said yes so he got into bed with them......... Sometime later around midnight Jimmy screamed " MUM QUICK TURN ON THE FLASH LIGHTS THE SNAKE IS GOING INTO THE CAVE!!!!!

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What's the difference between a вiтсh and a whоrе? A whоrе sleeps with everybody at the party, and a вiтсh sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

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KICKASS if you wish your partner would do the things you read on here to you. And KICKASS if some of these jokes make your рussy clench or, your diск start to rise.

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You can tell I've been married for a while. Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sеx in the last seven days?' And I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

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