Dirty jokes

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So, my wife's lying there. She's smoking her special after-sеx Benson and Hedges 9000. She goes, 'You know, John, we've been married a long time. Maybe it's time we thought about having a тhrееsоме.'
'Yeah.' Then I said, 'You know what, Fran? I'm 260, you're 180 -- I think we just had a тhrееsоме.'

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A guy brought his girl from college home to meet his parents. Since he had already moved out, his room had been replaced with the Mothers office, so the guy and his girlfriends had to sleep on the stop bunk of his little brothers bed. Whenever they thought his little brother was asleep, they began there "nightly thing". He told her to say lettuce for harder, and turkey for a different position. "Lettuce, turkey, lettuce, letuce, LETTTUUUCCCEEE" Then the little brother screamed "Ughhhh STOP MAKING SANDWICHES! Y'all are getting mayonaise all over me!"

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Three things funerals and sеx have in common!
1. They both put a stiff in a box.
2. They both require lots of tissues.
3. They can both sometimes make people cry.

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My wife swallowed my man yogurt this morning for the first time.
I don’t she’ll ever ask me to make her a sandwich again.

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Are there any single women here? I'm going to let you know right now -- I am great in bed. I can sleep 12-14 hours at a clip.

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Girl:
'showering, Baby brother walks in'
Boy: What are those?
Girl: These are my balloons
Boy: Okay
The next morning the girl wakes up in hospital
Girl: What happened?
Boy: I was playing with your balloons last night but then they just popped.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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Guy: This chair is too hard.
Me: So was my diск last night but i didn't hear your mom complain.

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Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater. The script clearly said ‘Enter Juliet from behind’.

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When you have sеx with a рrоsтiтuте without her permission, is it called rаре … or shoplifting?

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I had a girlfriend that was 5'11. She wanted to have sеx standing up in the shower. I rocked that sh*t. She almost dropped me a couple times, but I rocked that sh*t.

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Boy:what do u call a black man having sex
Girl:rape

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Teacher:why did you bring your cat to school
Jimmy:I overheard my dad talking to my mum and he said when jimmy goes to school I'm gonna eat that pussy

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A kid goes up to his dad after school and says,
"Dad, I just had sеx with my teacher." The dad is proud and offers to buy the kid a bicycle. So, he takes his son to the store and lets him pick out a bike. Afterwards, the dad asks "Do you wanna ride your new bike home?" and the son says,
"No, my аss still hurts." DmR

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My dad was showing me pictures of why to wear condoms during sеx. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.

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Please don't call it a red dwarf.

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Did you hear about the nакеd woman who robbed a bank?
Nobody could remember her face.

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All раnтiеs aside, it's Friday.

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