Dirty jokes

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Boy:
'showering' baby sister walks in.
Sister: what's that?
Boy: my toy soldier.
Sister: ok.
Later that night the boys sister decides to go play with the toy soldier. the next morning the boy wakes up in hospital.
Boy: what happened why am I in hospital?
Sister: well I was playing with your toy soldier, then it spat in my face so I bit its head off.

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*If you watch Family Guy, you'll know this*
A young lady goes to the police station claiming she was rареd by a birthday clown. The police escorts her to the investigation room and questions her about the incident. After all the questions, they end with," Describe the overall incident." The lady looks terrified. She says," He made me....", she began crying.
After she let out her emotions, she crossed her legs. When she crossed them, a horn went off.

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I am too old to be sneaking into a вiтсh's house to have sеx with her son on a twin bed. Do you know how hard it is to have sеx on a twin bed? To try to keep your balance on a bed with some Star Wars sheets on it?

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"I was watching a great роrn about two people f*cking earlier when suddenly my dad walked in"
"That must have been awkward"
"It was. I didn't even know my dad was a роrn star"

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My diск has it's own jungle, your diск got touched by your uncle

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Two girls on gaming website
Girls: You know we are really good at swallowing swords..
Me: Really? Girls: Yeah we are... I can see your one getting longer ( they liск their lips)
Me: Good at swallowing swords huh? (Pulls out cutlass).
Me: Try swallowing this!

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You was sent away by the devil for unlidding raw gas out of your аss.

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Dude why did you're mom get a cat. Isn't one рussy good enough

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1, 2
I like you
3, 4
Cum some more
5, 6
Longer dicks
7, 8
Masturbate
9, 10
I cummed again
11, 12
Condom on the shelve
13, 14
Flat-Chest Pre-teen
15, 16
Nudes I've seen
17, 18
Pregnant Teen
19, 20
Oops to many!

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My third planet is misaligned. Can you adjust it for me?

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Ноrny GF- Kiss me in a place I've never been kissed before.
Dumb BF- So like, Canada?

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What's your sign? I hope it's "Yield."

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A scientific study has recently shown the best form of defence against a rарisт is running away. Apparently men with pants around their ankles can’t run very fast.

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Me: Say "I am a man" after everything I say.
Friend: Alright.
Me: You broke up with your girlfriend.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You decided to get drunк.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You went to the bar.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You found a hot chick there.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You invited her to your house and she said yes.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: You both came into your room and had sеx.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: Next morning you wake up.
Friend: I am a man.
Me: And she says...
Friend: I am a man.

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A friend of mine recently got a tattoo, which I thought was really cool because I don't have the guts to do it myself... And I asked her where she got it. And she told me she got it on her vаginа. And I said, 'Why? Why on God's green earth would you do such a thing?' And she said, 'Well, men find it sеxy.' OK, if you're at the point where a man is looking at your nакеd gеniтаls, guess what -- you got the job.

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So, it's National Coming Out Day. I'm walking through Dallas/Fort Worth airport. I got my National Coming Out Day t-shirt on 'cause I'm proud -- got a sweatshirt on over that 'cause I'm smart.

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In some ways, all men are the same. For example, why do you all like to have sеx first thing in the morning? Do we smell good first thing in the morning? 'Cause you don't.

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SON: Hey dad remember when I killed that butterfly and you said no butter for a week
Dad: yeah?
SON: and when I killed that honeybee you said no honey for a week
DAD: And
SON: Yeah, well mum just killed a cockroach should I break it to her?
Dad: ......

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