Dirty jokes

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My diск died the other day, can i burry it in your аss today

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What do prostitutes and vacuums have in common?
The both suск.

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2 boys turn up late for class Teacher:Why are you late?!
Boys:Sorry we were starting our daily shave.
Girl comes in late.
Teacher:And why are u late?! Girl:I was getting shaved.
Girl winks at boys.
Teacher:Holy Shiт!

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If Dora was a lеsвiаn, she would be called, 'DORA the EXPLORE-HER'

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- Roses are Red - Yoda is green - My lightsaber needs two hands if you know what I mean.

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I was waiting for my period last week 'cause it was late, and I got so nervous. Although, let me just share right now -- I had nothing to worry about, if you get what I mean. But I was totally nervous 'cause you know how we ladies get. And of course, I get all anxious, and then I start thinking, 'Well, maybe I am having the Lord's child?'

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I like my women the way I like my coffee, hot wet and filled with cream.

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I went to hospital last night after breaking my left arm and the doctor told me I had to stop jerking off. I said “Why? What’s that got to do with anything?” he said “We’ve been having complaints about you from the other patients”.

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Mom (in shower): Ugh Ugh ohhh ya...
Me(on other side of door wanking): Oh god I'MA BLAST
Mom: what?
Me: Nothing just playing some games
Mom: Can you give me a towel I left it in my room.
Me: k
Mom: opens door
Me: passes towel with out looking
Mom: Walks out woth towel on
Me: BOO!
Mom: *drops towel*
Me: *beats meat*

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The Tooth Fairy teaches kids that they get money for their body parts. I blame her for prostitution.

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Teacher: why is there a cat in here?
Kid: Beacuse I heard my daddy say to my mummy I'm going to eat that рussy when the kids are at school, so I'm saving him.
Teacher: ...

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If this gets 100 kickass, I will ask to have sеx with girlfriend.

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So Jenessa walks in on her parents having sеx and she questions what they are doing. Her mom says "Oh well sweaty we are making a cake." About 1 week later Jenessa asks her mom if they were making a cake last night and her mother said "yes we were, but how did you know?" Jenessa replies "Because I licked all the icing off the bed."

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Boxers don't have sеx before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.

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I remember my first sеxuаl experience: back seat of my dad's car. I was young; I was in love; I was alone. No, not quite -- Dad was driving. He was рissеd. It's a small car, and the top was down.

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When I was a kid, my dad sat me down and showed me pictures of why I should always wear a соndом. Funny thing is, they were all just pictures of me.

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Guy:wanna hear a joke about my реnis?
Girl:no i'll like mine better

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This is what was written all over a shirt i once bought from Las Vegas. "FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК" #TrueStory

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