Dirty jokes

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Q. What do you call a Jewish girls воовs?
A. Joobs.

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Hey ваве, will you be my receiver? High five!

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Making love to music can be really romantic but only if you last longer than the intro of track 01.

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Can i get 100 kickass for my dead bro

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Once a nun was taking a bath when someone knocked on the door,
"Who is it?"
" It's the blind man, can I come in?"
She decides to let him,
"Okay"
She says, he walked in and says:
"Nice тiтs, now where do you want me to hang the blind?"

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Something's getting proactive in my pants!

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What is the difference between a sреrм and a lawyer? None, both have one in a million chance to be human beings.

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So, my wife's lying there. She's smoking her special after-sеx Benson and Hedges 9000. She goes, 'You know, John, we've been married a long time. Maybe it's time we thought about having a тhrееsоме.'
'Yeah.' Then I said, 'You know what, Fran? I'm 260, you're 180 -- I think we just had a тhrееsоме.'

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A guy brought his girl from college home to meet his parents. Since he had already moved out, his room had been replaced with the Mothers office, so the guy and his girlfriends had to sleep on the stop bunk of his little brothers bed. Whenever they thought his little brother was asleep, they began there "nightly thing". He told her to say lettuce for harder, and turkey for a different position. "Lettuce, turkey, lettuce, letuce, LETTTUUUCCCEEE" Then the little brother screamed "Ughhhh STOP MAKING SANDWICHES! Y'all are getting mayonaise all over me!"

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Three things funerals and sеx have in common!
1. They both put a stiff in a box.
2. They both require lots of tissues.
3. They can both sometimes make people cry.

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Boy:Mum its my birthday.
Mum:ok
Fue mins later
Boy:Mum can i go in the shower with you
Mum:no
Boy:but its my birthday
Mum:ok
Boy:Mumy whats that
Mum: its a bush
Boy:whats that
Mum:its headlight
After school
Boy:dad can i go in the shower whith you
Dad:no
Boy:but its my birthday
Dad:ok
Boy:dady whats that
Dad:its a snake
Boy:ok
During that night
The boy opens the door to his parants room while they were haveing sex
Boy:Mumy,Dady the snake is going in the bush turn on the headlights. vote kikass please

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My wife swallowed my man yogurt this morning for the first time.
I don’t she’ll ever ask me to make her a sandwich again.

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Girl:
'showering, Baby brother walks in'
Boy: What are those?
Girl: These are my balloons
Boy: Okay
The next morning the girl wakes up in hospital
Girl: What happened?
Boy: I was playing with your balloons last night but then they just popped.

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Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

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Guy: This chair is too hard.
Me: So was my diск last night but i didn't hear your mom complain.

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Just been arrested by the police after recently being given the part of Romeo in my local theater. The script clearly said ‘Enter Juliet from behind’.

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When you have sеx with a рrоsтiтuте without her permission, is it called rаре … or shoplifting?

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I had a girlfriend that was 5'11. She wanted to have sеx standing up in the shower. I rocked that sh*t. She almost dropped me a couple times, but I rocked that sh*t.

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