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Guy:wanna hear a joke about my реnis?
Girl:no i'll like mine better

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This is what was written all over a shirt i once bought from Las Vegas. "FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК FUСК" #TrueStory

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Can’t believe what a rip-off Ebay is. Just wasted $120 on a реnis enlarger. This guy just sent me a magnifying glass and a piece of paper that said “Do not use in sunlight”.

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Person: You Suск!
Me: And you swallow.

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Box of condoms : £7.99 Cashiers face when you ask where's the fitting room: Priceless.

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A Man sees a sign that says вlоwjовs, A half an hour later he sees his friend come out of there shaking. He asked "Did you get a good BJ?" The man replies,
"Oh, I didn't know you could get a вlоwjов."

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It makes me wonder whether or not there are some old school pedophiles who don't have computers, and they sit around and tell the new pedophiles how easy they got it. 'You know, when I was a young man, there was no Internet. You wanted to meet an eighth grade boy, you put on a clown suit and tracked them down at birthday parties. You couldn't e-mail them like today, you lazy ваsтаrds. And if you wanted to see a picture of a man having sеx with a squirrel, well let me just tell you something -- you couldn't just download it, you had to take the picture yourself.'

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*in bed*
Boyfriend: Why are you so far away?.
Girlfriend: You missed your chance earlier because you were to busy playing League Of Legends so... HAH.
Boyfriend: In that case... ... More League...
Girlfriend: H-Hay wait Nooo!
*start to have sеx*
Girlfriend: Dамn it every time
Boyfriend: *whisper's* yessssss
Try this on your girlfriend next time your in bed.

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A 14 yr old girl named Jessica was walking out the door and she said "I'm going to work."
Her Mum said "She never told us where she works."
Jessica's little brother, Oscar, said "I know where Jess works, but first Mum you said you were a рrоsтiтuте, What's that?"
The father replies "It's a job where strangers pay to have sеx with your Mom."
"That's funny," the boy said,
"That's what Jessica does."

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Barny: *saying when drunк* I love вооzе вооzе love's me holy shiт I have to рее I'm so smashed I'm falling on the floor alcoholic dinosaur.

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Jack and Jill went up the hill
To smoke a little grass.
Jill got sтоnеd, Jack whipped out his воnе,
And got a piece of аss.

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Teacher: Johnny what is one thing you want to do before you graduate and go off to college?
Johnny: Oh Fuск You!
Teacher: I would say sure meet me at 6 but, I really don't want to get some type of STD.

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I guess you're all wondering, 'What did you do, Pam, before you were a stand-up?' I was a sluт.

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In my bed, it's perpetual motion all night long, baby.

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We can get as crudite as you want, baby.

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I'm in a relationship right now, you know, crossing my fingers. The relationship is great; the sеx is great. My friends said, 'Whoa, you've had sеx out of wedlock?' I said, 'Oh no, she's married.'

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I'll have sеx with Tane if this get 1000 kickass hits

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I haven’t had sеx in so long, the other day I opened up a can of tuna and got a hard on.

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