Dirty jokes

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I asked my wife to try аnаl last night. "Fuск that shiт!" She replied. "that's the spirit!" I said.

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Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

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Newly wed couple
Wife : Honey, what shall i make you for dinner?
Husband : depends on how you want the jizz to taste tonight ,Honey

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I even shaved above the knee for this one, you guys. Woo-hoo! I am feeling saucy now. You ever have somebody talk you into shaving the whole thing off? God, it looks so sтuрid. I look like a great big nакеd baby.

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You're not really supposed to date people from the office, but you know it was going on because in the men's room, the graffiti said stuff like, 'For a good time: extension 289.'

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Sеx is so weird now. Remember the old days when all you needed for safe sеx was a padded headboard?

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Looking at you is getting my diск harder than Chuck Norris

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Gаy-аss:
"Your can't see your реnis in the shower."
Me:
"Dамn right because all I see when I look down is your sister's head."

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When I was younger, if a girlfriend was bothering a president, the CIA killed her.

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Will you be my offline permalink?

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Dating is a lot like fishing.
They both leave your hands smelling of fish afterwards.

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I don't know if you've ever been to Ireland. They are really the nicest people on the face of the earth. You do a show there, you walk into the pub in Ireland -- you have five best friends immediately. I walk into the bar, the first guy I see goes, 'Tell me something.' I'm like, 'Alright.' He goes, 'If you woke up in the morning and there were grass stains on your knees and a соndом hanging out of your вuтт, would you tell anyone?' I'm like, 'Nope. I don't think so. No.' He goes, 'Would you like to go camping with me, laddy?'

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A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hеll do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a вlоw job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you... I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!"

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This chick tried to get me fired today for giving her an inappropriate massage in the office. I said “Good luck with that sweetheart, I don’t even work here!”

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My daughters just got to the age where she’s starting to ask awkward questions about sеx.
Then other day she asked “Is that the best you can do?”

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I don't see how sеx jokes are funny?
I mean сuм on people

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I'm looking into a new health insurance plan. I thought, you know, I'm a woman, I should really ask if they cover abortions. Then I remembered I never have sеx. So, if I do get pregnant, I'd probably want to have the baby Jesus.

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My wife dresses up like a nurse; then, I dress up like a nurse, also. And then, we don't even have sеx, either -- we just sit behind this huge, semicircular wooden desk and get annoyed when people buzz us for juice.

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