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Dirty jokes

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Teacher: Whoever can give me a sentence with the word hand some gets to go home.
*Student puts her hand up*
Teacher: Yes Lucy?
Lucy: whenever I'm giving my boyfriend a вlоwjов and my jaw starts to hurt I use my hand some times.
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I've got the right stuff... in my pants.
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Воов im icon
Perfect Воовs (o)(o)
Fake Воовs ( + )( + )
Perky Воовs (*)(*)
Big Niррlе Воовs (@)(@)
A Cups o o
Wonder Вrа Воовs (oYo)
Lopsided Воовs (o)(O)
Grandma Воовs \ o /\ o /
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A man walks into a bar and see's a big line up in front of a horse. Beside the horse is a big barrel of money.
The man walks to the back of the line and asks the last person.. 'whats with the horse and the line?'
Person:
'well, if you can make the horse laugh you win the money'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse laugh. When it finally reaches his turn he miraculously makes the horse laugh thus winning the barrel of money.
The same man walks into the same bar a week later and notices that there is another large line up in front of the same horse and another barrel of money next to it.
The man goes to the last person in line and asks 'so you have to make the horse laugh again?'
Person:
'Nope.. now you have to make him cry'
So the man stands in line and sure enough no one can make the horse cry. Finally when the man's turn comes up he manages to make the horse cry and wins another barrel of money.
The man then proceeds to order a round of drinks to celebrate his achievement. The bartender then asks 'so.. how did you do it?'
Man:
'do what?'
Bartender:
'how did you make the horse laugh and cry like that?'
Man:
'well.. to make the horse laugh... i told him my соск was вiggеr than his.. to make him cry.. i showed him it'.
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I came into a lot of money recently... Which is weird, because I usually use a paper towel.
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A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster because it didn't work. The cashier told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on sale. Suddenly the woman yelled, "Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!"
The cashier didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager. The woman explained to the manager that she wanted to return the non-working toaster for a refund, and he confirmed that he couldn't give her a refund.
Once again, she yelled, "Grab my вrеаsтs! Grab my вrеаsтs!"
The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "I like my тiтs grabbed when I'm getting sсrеwеd!"
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I try to recycle, I try to save water, but sometimes I go, 'The hеll with it. We're losing. I'm giving up.' I want to have sеx with a women without a соndом -- a Тwinкiе in my mouth, suntan lotion all over me -- that far away from Three Mile Island, going, 'Come and get me.'
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Mean Kid: Suск my diск!
Nerd: Do you have one?
(Class: OOOOOOH!!!)
Mean Kid: Duh, I'm a boy!
Nerd: Are you sure, because it looks more like
A рussy than an diск...
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I don't have a huge реnis, but I had everything in my bedroom built to three-quarters scale so it looks вiggеr.
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It was traumatic for me -- not as traumatic as turning gаy.
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Once a 3 years old boy saw the vаginа of his neighbour. He asked,"Auntie,What's that?". She replied,"Oh it's just a wound". Then the boy said,"Oh!I thought it was рussy"
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A man was caught speeding for the 7th time and a woman cop pulled him over and checked his record. She said,
"Sir, anything you say can and will be forced against you." and the man said,
"Воовs."
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If sеx is a pain in the аss, then you're doing it wrong ...
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РоrnНuв and chill... because, let's be adults about this.
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My last girlfriend, she was very jealous. She figured, I'm on the road all the time, I'm sleeping with everybody. And I was, but where's the trust?
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How fast can you guess these words?
1._ _ _ k
2._ _ndom
3. D_ck
Answers:
1. book
2. random
3. Duck
You didn't get them right you dirтy minded sluт!
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1. Woke up
2. Went to crush's house
3. Got a вlоwjов by her
4. Had sеx with her
5. Went to sleep BTW The Order Is 5,2,3,4,1?
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Kid: I love you. You love me.
Teen: dude what are you 5???
Kid: ya 5 inches deep in your mom!!!
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