Dirty jokes

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I am a sеx machine. No, I mean that literally.

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Anant's poem on sex
I said 1,
She said come.
I said 2,
She said do.
I said 3,
She was open and free
I said 4,
Her pantees were on the floor
I said 5,
Her bush was like a bee hive
I said 6 ,
It was fixed
I said 7
She was in heaven
I said 8
We were infront of the hospital gate
I said 9
The baby was fine
I said 10
She said come again

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Q. Why did the butcher go to hospital?
A. He cut the wrong sausage.

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I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.

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Name an activity that 9 out of 10 people enjoy.
Gang Rape

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So a pickle and cucumber where talking. the cucumber said to the pickle when ever i get big fат and juice i get sliced up and put on a salad, the pickle said when i get big fат and juice i get sliced up and put in a jar. a реnis over heard the conversation and said that's nothing, when i get big fат and juice my owner put a bag over my head and sticks me in a dark smelly room and makes me do push-ups until i throw up.

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My husband's so macho, he has five guns, a helicopter, a motorcycle; he used to be on a SWAT team; and he works the cattle at his mom's farm. So, I thought, he's either really macho, or he's really gаy and he's overcompensating. He likes to clean the house and vacuum, so I think he's really gаy. But I'm just gonna enjoy him 'til he comes out of the closet.

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(Kangaroo peeks into a mans pants) "WOW your kid is so small!"

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The best way to get over one woman is to get under another...

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Boy- give me a вlоw job
Girl-ok
Boy-starts to record her sucking
Girl-what are you doing(with diск in her mouth)
Boy- "replies" playing candy crush b*tch just keep sucking
Girl-.....

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You know, it's not the length of the vector that counts... it's how you apply the force.

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Can I put my tape in your Betamax?

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A man walks into an empty bar and asks the bartender where the bathroom is the bartender points toward the restroom and says "over there" about 20 minutes later another guy walks in and asks where the bathroom is the bartender points toward the restroom and says "over there" a then one more man walks in and asks where the bathroom is and the bartender says "over there". 2 hours later one guy walks out and the bartender asks "what were yah doin in there it sure took you long enough?" The man replies saying "blowin' bubbles" then about 10 min later another man comes out and the bartender asks "what were you doing in there it took u a while" the man replies "blowing bubbles" 13 minutes later the last man walks out zipping his zipper and the bartender asks "whats your name" the man replies "Bubbles"

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What starts with p and ends with orn. if you guessed popcorn you are right

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The following coversation took place in a hospital bathroom.
Patient: Have you seen one as big as this today? (points to crotch area)
Nurse: Yes, I also work on the maternity ward.

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We all know that men and women think differently. I know when I'm having sеx with a woman, she's thinking about love and marriage and romance, and I'm thinking, 'A hundred bucks? I can't afford this.'

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Q. Why is the реnis the saddest part of the human body?
A. Because its hair is a mess, its best friend is a рussy and its next door neighbor is an аsshоlе.

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My friend: you where a mistake your parents didn't want a kid like you!
Me: well at least I wasn't born on a interstate where accidents happen!!!!!
Other friends: OHHHHHH SHIIIIIIIIIT!

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