Dirty jokes

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Teacher catches a boy jerking off and says "omfg what the heck are you doing boy"
Boy replies :
- Ma'am i want you to help me .
Teacher :
- What the fuск son get the hеll outta here .
Teacher walks meanwhile boy throws banana wrapper !! boy:
- See i got you on your knees b*tch , now swallow that .

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My new girlfriend is an animal in bed. Her рussy is wetter than a retards сhin.

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Let's play carpenter. First we'll get hammered, then i'll nail you.

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Comedian: Are you gаy or straight?
Buffoon: Straight
Comedian: OK, How many eyes does a black chicken have?
Buffoon: 2
Comedian: How many Strands of hair does a cat have?
Buffoon: IDK?!?!?!?!
Comedian: How many feet does a black chicken have?
Buffoon: 2
Comedian: How many whiskers do cats have?
Buffoon: IDK?!?!?!?!
Comedian: Why do you know so much about black соскs and nothing about рussy?

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Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.

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Please let me seal off your O-ring.

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Manipulating his genitalia' -- I don't think that's a very accurate description of маsтurватing, you know? 'Cause that's like implying that I'm lying to my genitalia or tricking it into doing that, which I've never done. I've never been like, 'Hey, genitalia, you wanna just hang out on the couch tonight, watch a movie? I'm not gonna try anything. It's totally cool, you know? I'm really tired.'

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If I маsтurвате with hand sanitizer, do I have to wash my hands when I'm done?

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That's right -- I'm a black albino, ladies. You know what I'm talking about: all the benefits of being black, without the disappointing looks from your parents.

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Hey, have you guys read that bald men make better lovers? Oh, well, 'cause I've been writing it everywhere.

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Got approached by a рrоsтiтuте today who said that she would do anything for $10. Guess who just got their car washed?

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When it comes to strength, who is stronger a man or a woman? Well when I think of it, a man beats on his diск when he is mastrubating and a woman only rubs. So a man is stronger.

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Post your awesome joke hereBloke goes into chemist and asks”Do you sell KY Jelly?
Girl says”No, have you tried Boots?”
Bloke says,”Boots? I want to slide in, not f*ckin march in!” - The Joke Cafe

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Can I tinker with your laptop?

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Guy: Hey girl, I just want a good time
Girl: Ok ill WATCH

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I bet even your farts smell good.

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Split my diск and call me Caitlyn.

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An 80yr old couple were seen shаgging furiously up against a fence. For 40 mins they shagged like Bast*rds. Arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor. Сhrisт she said “you didnt fuск Me like that 50yrs ago! To which the old man replied “50 yrs ago that fence Wasnt F*cking electric!

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