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Dirty jokes

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I want to do to your body what Mitt Romney does to poor people.
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Q. What’s the difference between a kit-kat and Jordan?
A. You can only get four fingers in a kit-kat.
Q. What’s Jordan’s favorite drink?
A. 7-up in cider.
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Here is 2 interesting facts about me!
1) my кnов is the same lenth as 2 argos pens!
2)im barred from argos
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Somehow a dog gets lost in an African jungle. As he is finding his way a lion spots him. The lion thinks since the dog is so small he will be easy pray. When the dog sees the lion he gets extremely scared and starts to run but he sees some bones and gets an idea. As the lion approaches he says "Mmmm, that was some good lion." The lion immediately realizes this dog is a lot tougher than he thought and runs off.
But there was a monkey in a tree watching the whole time. The monkey decides if he tells the lion what had happened the lion might reward him. So he tells the lion and the lion tells him to get on his back so they can share the dog. As the lion and monkey find the dog, the dog spots them as well. The dog begins to run but has another idea, "Where is that monkey? I told him to bring me another lion hours ago!"
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I'd sure like to caulk that tub.
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I still remember your dads last words"HARDER".
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I was playing a
Random guitar and broke the G
String while fingеring a minor.
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What goes in long and hard but comes out soft and sticky?
A piece of gum you perv! :P
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I've been having a lot of hang-ups lately about homosexuality. I don't know why; I just have them. For a long time, I thought maybe one of my roommates was gаy. So finally, last night, when he asked me to slow dance nакеd with him in the strobe light, I said, 'Hey man, are you gаy? And he said, 'No.' I said, 'Let's dance.'
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What is your sign? Mine is "Property of NASA."
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I just got back from the Middle East. I performed for 15,000 men -- and then I did my comedy.
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Man : Are your parents still together?
Guy :
'No' man : When did they split up?
Guy :
'last night' man :
'Oh so I banged her before the divorce ... sorry'
Two weeks later it was the mans funeral
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What did one lеsвiаn vampire say to the other? My pad or yours?
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I'm gonna fall on you like Skylab.
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Hey baby... I can suск the chrome off a trailer hitch?
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I don't get sтriр clubs. I'm not going ever again. Guys, you can go; I'm not going with you. I don't get it because, guys, we go to sтriр clubs with other guys. What? It's like, 'Steve, I'm going to be really aroused. I'd like you with me.'
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I just read about this study that says that, apparently, when women go on dates, they decide if they're going to sleep with the guy or not in the first 12 seconds. Seems wrong to me, you know. How are these women getting drunк so fast?
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What do you call a роrn star with a little diск? White!
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