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Dirty jokes

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What did the gаy dentist say to the gаy patient?
Open wide!
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My foot isn't the only part of me that's lucky
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I'd love to get my hands on your termite mounds.
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An Eskimo man awoke one day with the urge to go hunting for seal. After he had prepared his gear for his journey, he set out over the frozen ice to his favorite hunting spot.
About halfway there, his snowmobile started to run badly and make grinding noises. So the hunter decided to turn around and head back to his village. And, in fact, just as he pulled up to the local mechanic, his snowmobile died.
He went inside and spoke with the mechanic, who agreed to take a look and see what the problem was. The mechanic followed the Eskimo outside to the snowmobile, raised the hood and began to examine the engine.
After a few minutes, the mechanic looked up at the hunter and said, “I think that you've blown a seal.” No,” answered the hunter, “those are just icicles on my mustache.”
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Q. What does a kfc box and a girl have in common?
A. After you eat them all out all you got is a greasy box to put your воnе in.
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Presumably at some point in the flight, she turned to him and said, 'My ears are popping. Have you got any hard candy?' And he said, 'No, no, I haven't, but I've got an idea.'
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Q. Why is a pair of trousers with the pockets cut out the best present you can give a teenage boy?
A. Because it’s something to wear and something to play with at the same time.
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I'll vote for the first person that just admits to anything. First person they walk up to and go, 'Excuse me, did you sleep with that woman?'
'Yeah! What's up, baby? How you doing, girl? Yeah, I slept with -- I'll sleep with her again! What's up, baby? What -- did I ever do drugs? Yeah, I did some drugs. Once? Sh*t, I don't know how many times I did drugs. Oh, I know I was doing her when I was doing the drugs.'
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I was just talking to my grandma and she said that she regrets not learning how to drive, here's what she said "I regret not riding a bike because now I'm stuck with riding a 2 inch rust bucket." and she looked at my grandad. I was like What the actual f*ck!
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Boy: Baby you thirsty?? :
- P
Girl:ya
Boy:okay...... Zip
Girl:mmmmmm
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What are you talking about 'not getting yours'? How about earlier that night when you ate and drank for free, you got yours.
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Boyfriend: Are you a virgin?
Girlfriend: Yeah!
Boyfriend: You sure?
Girlfriend: Of course
......... Moments later............
Boyfriend: I can't decide the username for our email
Girlfriend: I know... hmm... she types "my рussy" and the boys flips out because of the results saying "too many users"
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I'll get you wetter than a Scottish summer.
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Guy1: This deodorant will have the ladies slobbering all over my соск.
Guy2: Oh please, your diск is only an appetizer.
Guy: Then what's the main course?
Guy2: Mine.
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Remember--you can do it! Now, how about starting with me?
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People say I'm to old to get laid. I'm 12. WTF
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Why did the ragging homosexual get kicked out the circus? Because he would only juggle ваlls in his mouth!
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This really hot girl that had just moved in next door to me knocks on my wall the other night and asks if i have time to go over and toss her salad, i couldn't believe what i was hearing so i thought i make sure i heard her correctly. I asked what did you want me to do and she said if you have time would you please come over and toss my salad? I ran to my bedroom, made sure i was wearing the proper attire and squeezed two shots of cologne and walked over to her place, i was greeted with a salad bowl and salad server. #awkwardmoment
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