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Why do they call it РМS?
Because Mad Соw Disease was already taken.

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Mom: If a boy touches your воовs say "don't" and if he touches your рussy say "stop"?
Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"

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What's the best part about gardening?
Getting down and dirтy with your hoes.

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Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.

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Q: What did the letter O said to the letter Q?
A: Dude, your diск is hanging out.

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Girl - Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy - I tried it once but their аsshоlеs are too small.

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Josey wasn't the best pupil at Sunday school. She often fell asleep and one day while she was sleeping, the teacher asked her a question. "Who is the creator of the universe?" Joe was sitting next to Josey and decided to poke her with a pin to wake her up. Josey jumped and yelled, "God almighty!" The teacher congratulated her. A little later the teacher asked her another question, "Tell me who is our lord and savior?" Joe poked Josey again and she yelled out, "Jesus Сhrisт!" The teacher congratulated her again. Later on the teacher asked, "What did Eve say to Adam after their 26th child?" Joe poked Josey again and she shouted, "If you stick that thing in me again, I'll snap it in half and stick it up your аss!"

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I was hiking once with my girlfriend.
Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad.
We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took.
I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

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How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
You can't get a finger between the rope and his neck!

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A nun with big воовs boarded a bus and sat near a dude.
The dude kept looking at the nun's воовs.
The nun realized this.
She held her rosary and asked,
"Are you looking at Jesus on the cross?"
The man said "No, I'm looking at the 2 thieves beside him."

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A girl was pampering a horse with her hand while watching display of the horses, suddenly she touched the genital of the horse.
The excited horse screeched, jumped and ran away very fast.
The horse’s guard faced the girl and said, “Ma’am please do the same to me, so I can run, chase and retrieve my boss’s horse.”

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Two lepers playing poker, one threw his hand in, the other laughed his head off.

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Q: What's the difference between a girl's G-spot and a golf ball?
A: A man will spend hours looking for a golf ball.

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Q: What do you get when the Pillsbury Doughboy bends over?
A: Doughnuts.

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Patient:
" I'm in a hospital! Why am I in here?"
Doctor:
"You've had an accident involving a bus."
Patient:
"What happened?"
Doctor:
"Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Patient:
"Give me the bad news first."
Doctor:
"Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them."
Patient:
"That's terrible! What's the good news?"
Doctor:
"There's a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers."

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Why did the sемеn cross the road?
Because I wore the wrong sock today.

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( boy 1 ) : you need to say what ever i say in backwards.
( boy 2 ) : okay.
( boy 1 ) : A B C
( boy 2 ) : C B A
( boy 1 ) : 1 2 3
( boy 2 ) : 3 2 1
( boy 1 ) : okay lets make this harder : СRАСК MY FINGER
( Boy 2 ) : Finger my сrаск .

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Q: What do you call that useless piece of skin around a vаginа?
A: A woman.

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