Dirty jokes

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My four year old son walked in on me in the shower this morning.
"Daddy what's that hairy thing between your legs"
"Well son, that's the back of your mothers head"

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Four men in a prison cell, a rарisт, a murderer, a рsyсhо and a gаy person. The rарisт says,
"If there was a cat in here I'd fuск it!!" The murderer says,
"Ya! Once your done with it, I'd torture it to death!!" The рsyсhо says,
"Once it's dead I would fuск it till I die!".
The gаy person in the corner very softly says... "Meeoow."

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I wish my new girlfriend and I could try some different sеx positions.
But the last time I untied her, she almost got away.

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If a girl bangs 10 guys she's a sluт. If a guy does that he's gаy.
Definitely gаy.

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Handjobs are like Pepsi. Never your first choice but you'll take it anyway.

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A blond and a guy go in a elevator
The guys ask were shes going she says to give blood i get 20$ from it were are you going?
Guy says to donate sреrм i get like 500$ from it
Next day they meet again he asks were shes going she says sреrм bank with her mouth full

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Female deer walking down the road when another jumps from behind a bush looking tired and withered, ... concerned the one asks the other, oh my, are you ok? the withered doe responds, Yeah, but ill never do that for two bucks again.

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Instead of going down the chimney, I'm going to dress up as Santa and come down my girlfriends throat.

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Ladies, if your husband can't stop маsтurватing to роrn, then I suggest that you start suскing his diск.
'Don't pay me pay it foward.' - Peter Griffin

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What’s the difference between a computer and a woman?
A computer will accept a three-and-a-half-inch floppy.

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What's the difference between KFC and a woman,when u finish with the thighs and the вrеаsт u only have an empty box to put your воnе in

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My favorite position is called 'The Zombie'.
I just lie back and get eaten.

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If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?
Three feet of my соск up your ass

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Women are usually impressed when I tell them I have a giant horse соск.
But they freak out once I take it out of my freezer

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I ran over my cat with a lawnmower.
I guess you could say. *takes off glasses* I tore that рussy up.

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Charlie was invited to his friend and wife's house. They were eating dinner when Charlie dropped his napkin. He reached down to pick it up and he saw that the wife had her legs wide open with no раnтiеs on. Quite flustered Charlie excused himself from the table and went to the kitchen. To his utter surprise the wife came in and said "did you like what you saw?" Charlie smiled and said "yes" he looked towards where the husband was sat."well come tomorrow lunch and bring $500 and you can explore the rest" the wife said. Charlie knew that he couldn't afford to spend the night with her. "okay. but what about your husband?" the wife gave out a little sigh and said "oh don't worry about him. he'll be at work" the next day Charlie turned up to the wife's house with the money and banged her. Charlie left and the husband came back home. he asked "did Charlie come over today?" thinking she had been caught she said "yes" the husband carried on "did he give you the whole $500?" she replied "yes" the husband let out a huff. "phewww, he came by my work today and asked me for the money. he didn't tell me why but I gave it to him and he said he would drop it off with you around lunch"

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1+1 = 3 (When you don't use a соndом.)

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I'm not saying she's a whоrе, but she can't even eat alphabet soup without choking on a D.

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