Dirty jokes

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Ever done it on a pile of artificial grass?

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Did you hear about the dyslexic рrоsтiтuте? She was really good at cooking socks.

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Jhon: when there's three people its a тhrееsоме,
When there's two people its a twosome
I now know why they call me handsome

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What do you call someone who spreads chick peas and garlic over their gеniтаls?
A hummussexual.

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Very neat for a boy; always cleaned up his mess, no matter where he got it on me. He's Hispanic, so he's like, 'Now who's the wетваск?' I'm like, 'Hey, still you. Get back in the kitchen, those dishes aren't going to do themselves.'

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1). Got 4 friends? Play This Game.
2). Say I poo, instead say I one poo
Then I two poo, I three poo, I four poo, I five poo, I six poo, I seven Poo.
3). Guess what's the next one? 4). I eight poo = I ate poo.
5). Unlucky eighth friend

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I had this girlfriend in high school, and we had sеx, and at first I thought that was kind of hot... but I knew there was something wrong. I was kind of confused, so I went to see my guidance counselor, and the sеx with him was so much better.

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It is little jimmys birthday again and he is alowwed to do anything he wants.
His mum is in the shower so Jimmy asks "mum can I come in with you?" His mum replies "Yes but don't look up or down!" so little Jimmy climbs in the shower with his mum, at first he tried not to look up or down but he had to. He looked up and said "mummy what are they?" His mum replies again " they are flash lights," Jimmy looked down and said "what's that?" His mum replies a third time "it's a cave."
Later on that night jimmys dad was taking a shower, little Jimmy asked the same question that he had asked his mum the first time " dad can I come in with you?" Dad replies "yes but don't look down!" Jimmy once again got in the shower and couldn't help but look down, he looked down and said "daddy what's that?" His dad replies "it's a snake"
So when jimmys mum and dad were in bed he asked them if he could sleep with them. His mum said yes so he got into bed with them......... Sometime later around midnight Jimmy screamed " MUM QUICK TURN ON THE FLASH LIGHTS THE SNAKE IS GOING INTO THE CAVE!!!!!

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What's the difference between a вiтсh and a whоrе? A whоrе sleeps with everybody at the party, and a вiтсh sleeps with everybody at the party except you.

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KICKASS if you wish your partner would do the things you read on here to you. And KICKASS if some of these jokes make your рussy clench or, your diск start to rise.

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You can tell I've been married for a while. Went to the doctor's last week, he said, 'Have you had sеx in the last seven days?' And I said, 'No, my birthday's in April.'

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I was in a relationship for like eight-and-a-half years, and then I was re-released into the wild not too long ago. So, my internal 'How To Read a Woman Manual' has like a drawing of Dwight and Mamie Eisenhower on the cover, holding hands in a rumble seat and sipping sodas and strangling communists. And I'm just waiting until I can unzip my pants and find a family of raccoons living down there.

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Just be arrested for indecency at my local homeless shelter after trying to help them cook Christmas dinner. Apparently they told me to PLUCK the turkey.

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Once a girl asked her father, dad whats sеx? The father es shocked by this question, with a little hesitation he explanied her about the birds and bees talk, little weirded out the girl said mom was explaning me about the 2 SECTS of christianity......

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There once was this really poor family. They were so poor that they lived on a bunk bed, the parents lived on the top bed and the son lived on the bottom bed. One night the mom and dad were having sеx and so they used code words, for harder they said cheese and for faster they said tomato. The kept screaming cheese, cheese, cheese, tomato, tomato, tomato. The son then said mom dad can you stop making sandwiches you're getting mayo all over my bed.

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What do you call a Russian hоокеr? Onyabackyabish.

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My uncle once еjасulатеd on me. Glad I got that off my chest.

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What did the left веаvеr lip say to the right?
We used to be so tight before that holiday to Jamaica!

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